I have committment issues

I grew up with a mom who has narcissistic personality disorder and to this day I feel like every choice I make, especially on a relationship level is deeply rooted on my need to prove myself that I have value. I'm in my mid-20s already, have a great job which I love, some friends (most of of them from work) and I'm not bad looking. However, I have never had a serious relationship. I love teasing and leading guys on (even older men) but the moment I see them hooked on me, it's like I tick off a checkmark and move on to my next target. And worst of all, I feel pleasure from seeing them suffer. I feel lie on a subconcious level, I'm telling my mother : "see, people want me, even if you didn't". I'm currently engaged in a teasing relationship with a coworker who has a girlfriend and I'm constantly checking my phone for his messages. I feel so ashamed I stooped so low. I portray this image of confidence yet I feel so lonely and I feel like I don't deserve the real good guys. The one that are stable and just want to take care of you. Now that my mom is far away from me, I realize how empty my life is. That everything that has happened until now is a big lie, an illusion, and there is no chance for me to have a fullfilling life.