I have no mouth and I must scream.

This is my first time posting on 7 cups so please let me know if theres a better place for this.

I am a 20 year old male. A few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years due to a huge mistake I made. I feel like I can't tell anyone I know any more but I need to get some outside advice.

Me and my ex were as close as could be back in highschool, even talking eachother off the proverbial edge on multiple occasions. She became integrated into my life and my family during our years together and I was even planning on marrying her after our during college.

Me and her had decided to go to different colleges about an hour apart from eachother. Things were difficult but it is a long distance relationship and we understood that. That is till last September when my ex came down to see me for my birthday. Me her and my two roommates decided to get drunk. This wasnt the first time but this time my ex had gotten way too drunk. She ended up throwing up and passing out. It took me and my two roommates to get her upstairs and into my room. I had gotten drunk too, to the point I was throwing up.

I'd like to blame my next actions on alcohol but I don't think that would be any productive. While my ex was asleep I had decided to pull down her pants and try to have sex with her. I dont feel I need any further detail but sence then we broke up and my already present depression worsened and not to mention loosing my only support. Now were on good terms but this still haunts both of us.