I miss him.

I met this boy off Instagram and him and I instantly clicked. We got along super well and he was literally like the guy version of me, we had the same humor and we could always get along. Eventually, I started developing feelings for him I told myself it was a small crush but as months went by it started getting bigger and bigger. Then he left Instagram spam, and I was the only person he was still in contact with. We’d text each other all day everyday and make each other laugh and play little games together and he’d even call me and I was so happy with him. He comes back to Instagram spam, but he meets someone else. As he talks to this other girl he met I tried not to feel a way because something in my gut was telling me that he liked me because of the way he’d act towards me. We’d use to call each other Lil G (me) and Big G (him) and I’d use to copy him with his user and act like him and he would still talk to me and kinda throw little hints but as the months went by I saw how him and the new girl he became friends with started slowly turning into something more. I saw how they’d do everything him and I used to do plus more and he always would seem so much happier with her and talking to her because his replies with me started to fade and get slower and slower day by day. I’d never tell him how I felt about this which was my fault, but I was always scared of confronting people and my friend would encourage me to tell him that I liked him but every time I brought myself to do so I backed out and changed the topic. I saw his friends talk about how he had a “crush” and I was always so curious and I was 100% sure that it would be me. Unfortunately, it was the other girl that he had just met. Keep in mind I knew him for about 2+ years and she knew him for maybe 2-3 months. When I found out I started balling my eyes out and crying and I was so heartbroken because I was so sure he liked me from all the signs he used to give me. But then, later on I found out he was talking about me behind my back to the girl he had just met. I was so hurt because I was there for him through everything and all the personal heartbreaking stuff he went through I’d always reassure him and comfort him so I was so shocked. He apologized to me and told me that he didn’t mean any of it and how he was just angry and wanted me to be hurt back. Since that night I haven’t really talked to him, but recently I can’t stop thinking about him it’s almost been a year since we actually talked like him and i and Idk I just miss him a lot. I try to find him in other guys I talk to but it’s just not the same, him and I had a really special tight bond and he was literally the guy version of me which is really hard to let go. Sometimes i just randomly start thinking of him after months of not thinking about him and just get the sudden urge to text him. I don’t know what to do I’m so conflicted but I want to be with him and I want him to apologize again and I wanna work things out. I really liked him but if anyone reads this just please let me know.