I'm stuck

So, I had a group of 4 close friends and one of them was my bestest of best friend. We used to talk for hours everyday for couple of years, we shared everything with eachother. Then, she started her college - and she stopped talking everyday.

Last year, October. We got drunk and kissed eachother. The next day she woke up and regretted kissing me. She wouldn't even talk to me, she didn't want to look at my face. And after that, our friendship was never the same. I felt she kept her college friends a priority and i was damn jealous. I told her i felt jealous, but she barely responds to my messages, she takes her own time - i have seen her online but she never responds to mine. She got me through depression last year, i was very suicidal, she was always there for me though. She is always there when something happened to me, but never was ready to talk random stuff, just gossip like bffs do.

I stopped talking to her completely from August, I told myself i can live without her. Yes i can live without her, but she's the one i want to talk to every morning and before i sleep - but i stopped talking to her because she doesn't respond. Everyday and night she's on my mind. Right now, i have isolated myself. I barely talk to anyone, I don't let anyone come near me as well. I want to someone who wants me. I feel dead and lonely. My self esteem is dead. I don't really know what's wrong with me. But i love her so much, but she doesn't feel the same way for me. I cry most of the nights before i sleep.