I need help-Long
I need help. I have put myself into a very bad situation for the last 5 years of my life and I am emotionally exhausted.
I met a man from Tunisia online when I was 20, we have been best friends for 10 years. We were married in 2014. For the entirety of our relationship we have been long distance, I am American, with the exception of the 7 months we lived together in Tunisia and the 3 months more recently we lived together in the USA.
I started an affair in 2014. Told my husband about it and asked for a divorce. Husband refuses. Wants the marriage to work. I have been in this affair nearly 5 years and have a son with this man. Was transparent with spouse the entire time. I am now expecting my second child. I believe it is also the man I am having an affair with, BUT it happened right around the time I spent 3 months with my husband in the USA. The man I am having an affair with is also married. He has lied and cheated on me 3 times I know about. Is emotionally and sexually abusive to me, BUT I feel like now that I have a child with him I owe it to him to try and make it work. I am desperately unhappy. My husband disagrees. Thinks I should leave this man and make my marriage work. To be honest I dont know what to do.
@lailagharbi33
I need help. I have put myself into a very bad situation for the last 5 years of my life and I am emotionally exhausted. (I'm sorry you're going through such a low point, I'll try my best to reply to your post and you're welcome to share more anytime)
I met a man from Tunisia online when I was 20, we have been best friends for 10 years. We were married in 2014. For the entirety of our relationship we have been long distance, I am American, with the exception of the 7 months we lived together in Tunisia (why did you stop living together?) and the 3 months more recently we lived together in the USA.(Again, why was it only 3 months together?)
I started an affair in 2014. Told my husband about it and asked for a divorce. (This was a fair course of action to admit what happened honestly and end a marriage that was not meeting your needs) Husband refuses. Wants the marriage to work. (What were his ideas to making it work other than refusing a divorce?) I have been in this affair nearly 5 years and have a son with this man. Was transparent with spouse the entire time. I am now expecting my second child. I believe it is also the man I am having an affair with, BUT it happened right around the time I spent 3 months with my husband in the USA. The man I am having an affair with is also married. He has lied and cheated on me 3 times I know about. (The man is cheating on his wife. He cheated on you as well. Perhaps his morality, rather lack of it, needs no further proof) Is emotionally and sexually abusive to me, BUT I feel like now that I have a child with him I owe it to him to try and make it work. (The only person you owe anything to, is yourself. To find a way out of this extreme unhappiness and build a life where you feel respected and happy.) I am desperately unhappy. My husband disagrees. Thinks I should leave this man and make my marriage work. (Again, how? How does he propose to make the marriage work other than just ignoring your feelings and doing as he says?) To be honest I dont know what to do. (You've done the first step. Admitting that whatever it is, is not working for you. That it needs to change. What and how to change might be the next step.)
@0m My husband and I stopped living together in Tunisia, because he convinced me to help him immigrate to the USA, to make a better life, part of the reason That led to me having an affair and wanting a divorce was because I felt like his motivations for marriage were to obtain a green card. I dont know if I feel that way still, given that he is in the USA and wants me to live with him. My husbands solution is for us to live together and try to make the marriage work. I just feel like he has made minimum efforts the entire relationship, but I also feel like he is sincere in his desire to reconcile. I only spent 3 months with him in the USA because I felt I owed it to my son to try and make it work with his biological father. That was a mistake. Nothing changed. Hes still lying and probably cheating. My husband has made a lot of promises, but I feel like it will take a lot of work to fix whats been done. I am scared of destroying my sons relationship with his father and I feel guilty, but I feel like if my son sees how his father treats me as he grows it could be just as bad. I have been faithful to the man I am in the affair with and expected the same.
@lailagharbi33
My husband and I stopped living together in Tunisia, because he convinced me to help him immigrate to the USA, to make a better life, part of the reason That led to me having an affair and wanting a divorce was because I felt like his motivations for marriage were to obtain a green card. (so at that point you were done with the marriage) I dont know if I feel that way still, given that he is in the USA and wants me to live with him. (how does he feel about your son?) My husbands solution is for us to live together and try to make the marriage work. I just feel like he has made minimum efforts the entire relationship, but I also feel like he is sincere in his desire to reconcile. (Do you think maybe marriage counseling might help? If your initial instinct to reject him because you were afraid he used you for immigration purposes was wrong, and you still say he is your best friend, maybe there is still something left for you both as a couple?) I only spent 3 months with him in the USA because I felt I owed it to my son to try and make it work with his biological father. That was a mistake. Nothing changed. Hes still lying and probably cheating. (so this direction of trying to make it work with the father has failed) My husband has made a lot of promises, but I feel like it will take a lot of work to fix whats been done. (yes, it might take a lot of time effort and energy to fix it. Do you think he or this marriage are worth that kind of effort?)I am scared of destroying my sons relationship with his father and I feel guilty, (Regardless of whether you are with the father or not, you will have to coparent if he wants visitation etc. It's not going to change the fact that he is the child's father and as such, they both can have a relationship) but I feel like if my son sees how his father treats me as he grows it could be just as bad. I have been faithful to the man I am in the affair with and expected the same. (unfortunately we can't control other people's choices but with time we learn to understand/accept them.)
