I need help

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. About two and a half years ago, this guy who liked me texted me and all and I got caught up in the moment and said things I shouldn’t have said. I guess you can say that I cheated. But he then forgave me. And we worked on the relationship and I earned his love and trust again in these two years. Quite recently this guy I work with asked me out and I rejected him. But he was talking to me about his feeling and his breakups and all and I listened to him and asked him to move on and give up on me. But I couldn’t tell him about my boyfriend because I didn’t want the people at work to know about him. (Because I work for my dad and I didn’t want him knowing because that would cause trouble) now I realize I should’ve said that I have a boyfriend even as an excuse. I felt like did something wrong so I told my boyfriend about it. But my boyfriend still didn’t leave me and said let’s meet up so that he can show me that he loves me which would make things better. It hurt me more that even after all this he still thought about me and not him. So I asked him to leave me because I knew I didn’t deserve him. But I didn’t want him to leave because I love him so much. Idk why I did that. The earlier time this happened I tried helping myself on my own but look at where it got me, I’m still where I started. So I came here to get help to help me change and be a better person for him whether he takes me back or not.