In love with my Bestfriend

Me and my friend have been best friends for nearly a decade, we’re both students and I’ve fallen deeply in love with her. We talk frequently and are very close, in fact she initiates a lot of the phone calls. I’m her first port of call. She’s very open about how she finds others attractive and gentlemanly and also how the qualities I have do fit. I just get the feeling she’s just not attracted to me and I guess that’s fine. I’m actually happy with what I have. She’s talking to a new guy Ben who isn’t a Christian and that’s a fairly big deal for her. We both grew up in the church and are actually leading a team out to Africa later this year to volunteer in schools and orphanages. But I just can’t stop feeling rejected and I’m starting to feel like it’s a problem. Whenever a new crush develops I feel cut to the core and yet it’s not a refusal to let go or a jealously, because I’d genuinely be thankful of anything to see her happy. I just sometimes wish things were different you know?