Is it a toxic relationship

Hi everyone I am new hear and I really need some advice.

I was in a relationship for almost 4 years and planned a wedding with this man.

I opened up to him about my life and my past I was in a manipulative rough relationship before him where I was threatened and emotionally abused I also opened up to him about being raped when I was younger by an ex.

I trusted this man completely.

He seemed really kind and a good listener at first. He seemed fun and laid back. I opened up my heart to him despite what I had been through previously. I helped him with his house and helped him get a job as he wasn't I a great place before I met him so I did what o could for him. He was smoking alot of weed didn't really look after himself or his home. I didn't judge him I seen good in him. He told me he was giving up the weed on his own accord and I would ask him how it was going to show support only 5o find out he was lying about it.

I told him my morals In a relationship and he told me his and they seemed the same I thought it was nice.

One day he went to work and I done my usual I would go to his house to tidy up before I went 6o work but on this occasion I found him hiding behind his bed he pretended to go to work from my house that morning and lied to me. I looked past this as we all make silly mistakes sometimes and I carried on being my usual caring self. I then found out that a moral we both seemed to have was another lie he told me which hurt but again a seen past it. We continued our relationship and in time decided to move into a house together. One day we was going to the house and I found out he wanted to get some weed which I wasn't too happy happy about and to top it all off he was getting it from the man he knew raped me I was not happy about it and expressed my feelings just for him to tell me I'm just moaning was I wrong to feel angry and betrayed.

Again I swept it under the rug and continued the relationship. A few months down the line he past me a ring and said you know what it for , it was an engagement ring. So me being me I was still nice and caring and I started planing our big day I planed it and paid for it all and in the mean time he kept telling lies and crossing my boundaries I talked to him about the issues on many occasions as he was doing them but he kept doing them anyway and he started to become more sarcastic and frustrated and distant he would tell me I'm too 2mo5ional and then he would say sorry and he doesn't know why he does these things. It went on for a while and it was getting worse.

We decided it was best to cancel the wedding considering where our relationship was at and then one day I asked if we could talk and I asked him how he really feels about me, he said he doesn't love me it was tough but it explained his behaviour so I was hurt but showed respect for his feelings and then he told me he didn't mean it. We was trying for a baby too but he didn't seem to want to come near me or show any interest so I ended up feeling to drained to continue and we split up and he moved out. Since then he has apologised and said he will work on his self and change things for us to have a future 9 months later and things are still the same he blames everyone else for his actions and behaviour and he is making me feel like I'm in the wrong because I am not doing what I used to because I'm not brushing his wrongs under the rug and showing him all the love support and care that I used to should I be doing that when he is having a go and blaming me most days and turning everything on to me I feel so drained my anxiety is getting worse. I had treatment last week for high cell changes and asked him to please not stress me put and all he did was give me grief all week. Please any advice would be welcome. Thanks