Is it me? Am I crazy?
Hello 7 cuppers, I am a mother of 2 young boys, and I have been married 5 years (together for 9yrs)
I had a rough upbringing (neglect, foster care, rape, abusive/violent relationships)
When I met my husband I was in a bad place in my life and he "saved me" (he has told me that when we met that is all he wanted was to save me and that makes me feel awful in myself no matter how good his intentions it makes me feel helpless)
Fast forward to a year ago, we have been through a lot together, and there is alot of love. We had moved house and i left all I had ever known behind for my boys and OH to have the best life, not being good with change the move caused alot of anxiety and my OH pressured me into taking meds to help me that it did help for a while I feel like I am strong enough now to come off of them and finally get back to finding who I am, it's been 3 weeks and my head feels so clear and can not believe how much the meds dulled me or how numb I felt while on them.
Before I stopped taking them I felt like I had enough of him belittling me and him being manipulative and analystic I would get very stressed out and thought I wanted to end my life so instead I thought I'd stop my meds and find out if it is really what I felt.
I now feel stronger than ever that no matter how much I love him I need to get away from him even just for a month or even a week just 2 be alone and live for me for once in my life not be who he wants me to be.
Its hard to talk to him, so I could do with some advice. TIA
@Lockets88
First off, I want to point out how strong you are for perservering through so much hardship. You are incredibly strong. Even though your husband's support helped you, he didn't save you. You saved yourself.
Secondly, no matter how much we appreciate what someone has done for us in the past, it is not okay for them to mistreat us in the present. If you are not happy with how your husband is treating you, then you have every right to tell him so. Sometimes, when a relationship starts the way yours did, it's difficult to shift out of the roles you started in - where one partner is helping the other. He may feel like now that you're stronger you don't need him in the same way. That may feel threatening to him, which is why he's trying to continue the dynamic where you "need" him to be in control. That's not healthy.
Remember that you are strong. Remember that a healthy relationship is one where both partners are respected. Remember that a healthy relationship is one where you can be honest about your partner when you feel that something needs to change, AND where your partner listens, takes your concerns seriously, and works on making your relationship better.
Trust yourself. Trust your feelings. You are strong and smart and you deserve to be respected and heard.
@IntellectualPenguin123
You have no idea how appropriate your screen name is to this thread lol
Your words are so powerful it's made me feel the courage in me.
@Lockets88
I'm glad my comment helps. I'm sending you lots of good thoughts!
@IntellectualPenguin123
May just show him this thread, if I have the guts to make that leap.
Thank you x
Honestly, I'm crazy myself. At least that's what people in the past think of me anyway, and now I feel the same way with all my mental issues. I've manipulated people for my benefits, I've used my university to mess up their reputation by me trying to commit suicide (and yet I was blamed by my family for not telling them I was mentally ill, but I did tell them that fact), and so many incidents that led me to being such a mess I can't come up with a better conclusion than saying I'm entirely out of my mind. =3
Yea so I chickened out, just ended up telling him I'm going out to 80s night with a friend and that I'll be staying out. Smh
It's like jumping into the sea when you know it's freezing, you know you just need to take the plunge but all I do is dip my toe in
