I’ve grown to hate him
Sorry if this is not in the proper tread ... I've been with my husband for 10 years, we have 2 beautiful children's ... but he makes it to be 3 children ... he barely helps .. takes me for granted ... yells ... rage up ... insults ... but I've finally decided I was done with all that back in November ... since then he has manage to manipulate me to give him 2 LAST CHANCES so far ... I am so mad at myself and at him for making me stay ... I've asked for at least a break and he refused he won't let me leave .. says I can't do this to him, can't do this to our family ... I can't give up on us ....
but I can't take it anymore and can't hide how mad I am anymore and my poor kids are taking the ends of my anxiety ... I get panic attacks everytime something is out of my control now because I hate this ... please someone help ....
@crimsonPal4513 In a similar situation, been together for 18 years now and have two girls. A man that believes it's a womans job to cook and clean and take care of the kids and apparently it's his job to sit with his feet up and supervise. When I say I'm tired he gets upset because I am complaining. Gives me panic attacks because I never know what mood he will be in. Throws a fit like a teenager when he doesn't get what he wants.
And the worst part is I cannot talk to him so the frustration gets taking out on the poor kids without me meaning to and makes me feel even more lousy. When you want to leave he tells you he loves you very much and to forgive him and he will try to be better etc etc etc. My heart is soft too, but at the end of the day our only obligation is to our children.
I have given him a last chance, if he messes up again it's goodbye, my children need me more than I need him.
My suggestion would be to reach out in your community, we always feel so shy and afraid but I do believe you will find people in similar situations that can support you.
@speed69 oh wow this sounded like u were writing my life in there ... hope u will find the strength also ... it's hard when they make you feel like they can change and u do still care for them unfortunately
@crimsonPal4513
The children should absolutely not be the outlet for negative emotions. It sounds like the marriage has gotten to the point where professional intervention is needed. This could be a marriage counselor, therapist or a combination of the two.
A therapist can help you explore all the feelings that cause your current anxiety. They can also help you find adequate coping mechanisms for dealing with the anxiety and panic attacks. This is an independent activity and does not involve your husband's cooperation.
The marriage counselor path would require his cooperation as this provides a safe space for both partners to say their bit. The aim would be to find workable solutions towards rebuilding the marriage, given that both partners are willing to work at it. It requires commitment and dedication from both partners to make it work.
If he is serious about the last chance, perhaps he would be willing to get the help your marriage and family needs before any further stress gets offloaded on the children.
I'm sorry for all the pain you're going through and I sincerely hope you are able to change the course of this together.
All the best!