Jealousy and controlling..
I'm currently with my partner of a couple years. He's always been overly jealous for no reason. We are both gamers and play games online but not with each other anymore really. He is always talking to people online... He even ignores me sometimes in favour of these people. But once I talk to anyone, it's like I'm doing something so wrong. Let's note that a majority of the people online are guys. I talk to guys. These people are just friends. And he hears when I'm talking to them... I'm not flirting or anything. He still gets upset. Gives me the cold shoulder and all. I don't know what I can even do anymore. He won't listen to me... Doesn't try to understand where I'm coming from ever....
@flyingcat This must feel very difficult for you and it sounds as though your partner could be feeling insecure or perhaps jealous of your contact with other people. Is this mainly a problem with online socialising or does this happen in your day to day relationships also?Has your partner always been this way since being with him or has this worsened over time? Perhaps the two of you could consider spending some more quality time with one another and spend less time online to see if this could help the situation. Communication is really important in relationships and I know you have mentioned how he doesn't listen and gives you the cold shoulder, but if your relationship is important to each other, then communicating with each other about what is happening could help you both. Obviously if your partner is unwilling, this will be difficult to resolve between the two of you. How do you cope with what is happening?
@flyingcat I think it's healthy that every relationship has a bit of jealousy involved, but when it gets too much it can be troublesome. And I see that it's a hard situation that you're going through. I think it would be great if you two can spend sometime together, away from the online games, if this only happens during online games. Some time together with each other will help you get back on the correct track. I hope things will get better soon! *hugs*
@flyingcat
It's unfair that it seems to be a double standard - he can do it but you can't. Have you brought it up with him that you feel this behaviour is unfair? As others suggested as well, perhaps you can suggest that you both take out time in your day when you spend it together, completely offline. I would set apart a time, for example, after work or school or anything, and BEFORE getting online to game, to go outside together, or cook and eat together or something like that. I would also make it a completely offline time; not just from games but everything. Perhaps that way, you naturally just spend more time together doing something else or new and your relationship develops and grows. It also may take off the edge when you game afterwards, because you're in a good mood and very connected.
I think if it gets to the point where he keeps complaining or giving you the cold shoulder and generally behaving in a way that is unfair and making you feel bad and refuses to try to compromise or put in the relationship work, I would talk to him very seriously about or even see a counselor, or consider moving on. If a jealous/controlling behaviour isn't broken out of and worked on soon, it may just lay an unstable/unhealthy foundation for the relationship for years to come.
From someone who feels that way a lot towards their significant other, try to look at his background. My mother brought me when she would meet other men while she was still married to my father. Because of that i have some major trust issues.
