Knowing better

Just replying so that this is taken off the needs reply list

@TheJenInBlack

Thank you for the post. I wait for him to change. I wait for to realize I care for him. then I wait to see if got hurt. like I did. then I forgive . I move on. please excuse my language. take care

I dont know excatly detail but that doesnt really matter, i can give you my experience with someone i loved in toxic relationship, i can still know how you feel through my story.

Sorry about this and confusing story but maybe you can find something i share to you here.

Like i said, sorry for confusing english and grama and so whatever but i really do hope it helps you somehow to think straight and feel better.

Its gruel and hurtfull and never really gets over but you can still move on and feel good again at the end.

We had a bond for many years least 8-9year til we we broke up for good. We both had manipulated each others for all times for our ego desires needs.

Look i wasnt good person not was he too, we knew how to control each others and blindly we let each others to do so til frustration took control for more greed one of us wanted ofcs more.

I looked for materials as my anger revenge i got many times angry at him so i wanted to suck out all hes and hurt him, he wanted to be needed and feel important and take control over me, he looked for my isolation and jealious for only keep me in his control, by buy me through it.

His toxic behaviour was about making himself hero victim, someone to be there for you and make you feel you done wrong on everything, my wrong is i kept on hurting and cursing him on words and actions, but how did we held up excatly? we both did were lonely person in the whole world is on fire thats was our world.

We had hobbies, much fun together too, we kept up with enjoying each others and loving and more so we shared similar things and we do have same interests but til end i felt every stuff we do it always ended dramatlic down, i lost interests i lost hope, i lost my taste for anything, i had too much of everything and thats because of my using him to all my goals and desires and he gave me the easy path of life to fix all problems and gets everything done and so.

I got the world but i have only him, am i greedy? yes, no, maybe? but the life wasnt for me i had to break him more til i can lose him for good, was i bad, evil, yes maybe, no, i know now but things needed to come to end for live on.

So i made him get love interests on someone else and grow tired of me and successfully i did it.

He knew about it and was much very hateful angry about this but it worked, i too hated thiss for i still love him and so still do.

I later on had difficult drama to try get him back but didnt worked, he couldnt forgive me or wanted to talk to me, felt like everything about me is just trash and hate, i felt really bad and wanted him sso much back after everything i done but it seems it never worked out to fix things back because when you realized that from beginning we wasnt really meant for each others because of the much negativites energies we held bond and paint together, think instead about the situation today and where you sit today, how do you feel? better? happier? lonely? i feel its like no plus or minus when hes gone but i do feel i can work on build on something else and so i did, i can focus on start living and get achievements on my own personal goals in life, and so i did, today i feel what wrong i had about me and him and how gruel i was and he to me, he so off better without me good for him and im so much happier better without him going good on my life. Trust me this will work out if you know what you want from someone but mostly from yourself.