Left Out by Friends *TRIGGER WARNING*

Hey all,

This is my story.

I was always an introvert, preferring books over people, and generally didn't have a lot of friends because my nose was stuck in a book 24/7. That changed when I switched schools from a small, single-gender private school to a big co-ed public school. I met so many people that would become very good friends to me. And it was like heaven to me. It wasn't long before I started dating my best friend, but we broke up after 6 months. As of right now, I have a major crush on one of my other friends, who also feels like an outcast. Eventually, I started developing depression, anxiety, and had to go to the hospital two times due to suicidal ideation and cutting. I had a fairly large group of friends, and they all are very close to my heart. However, it seems like these days, they're leaving me out. Heck, they started ignoring me even if I tried to talk to them. I developed a tsundere (cold, even hostile towards people I like, especially the people I'm crushing on, but I show my vulnerable side if, and only if, I'm really close to them) personality around sophomore year of high school, and maybe that's what's pushing them away.

That's my story. Being left out is tearing me apart inside. I can put on a fake smile and act like my normal, tsundere, confident self, but without my friends, I'm nothing. It's happened before, I guess I'm just pushing them away because I'm afraid it'll happen again. And it does, but it hurts like h*ll every time.