Lost and hopeless

I have struggled with depression and suicidaal thoughts since early adolescence. There was nothing done on my caretakers' part to quell the issue so, I turned to distracting myself through various unhealthy means.

After my prior relationship, I became a shell of a human and could not stop obsessing over the thoughts of offing myself. Eventually, I conceded to taking my grandmother's zoloft in order to keep the thoughts at bay. I was in a bad spot: Broke, jobless, and living with my mother. This all made me desire connection and I found myself going back to online dating. Then, it happened:

I met this wonderful specimen of a woman. She was three years my junior and yet, we felt like equals. For once, I felt understood. I couldnt help falling in love almost instantly and I bombarded her with love to a point where she could not possibly say no. We were in a whirlwind relationship before we both knew it. I had a drive for life and my depression had seemingly been quelled.

10 months later, she became increasingly distant. It was beginning to feel like she did not consider me to be worth her time. She was trying to let the relationship smother itself out by ghosting me. Never have I felt such heartbreak (and I've been cheated on numerous times before). I'm still struggling to regain my sense of self and stop ruminating. I am effectively in a much better place in life due to the drive that her love provided but, I am so incredibly depressed.