Loved so much, that hurts so much

Fell in love with a married man with a daughter in my mind 20s..

After many ups and downs for years like more 6 years, still he is not ready to give marriage commitment with me. But only interested for kiss of love and pleasures...

There is always constant lies and cheatings episodes every quarterly with different girls.

As per him i am insecure and not giving him space and time.

Since Last two years , things between us drastically changed.

He is not at all sharing anything with me anymore.

Not personal nor professional.

Not even about his own health.

Pretending in front of me that nothing between him and his wife, but in front of me only his wife calls so confidently and asked him to come home soon n etc..

Attending family function with parents and wife.

Whenever I will ask or intiatiate marriage topic regarding our relationship.. he will avoid or start reacting on me.

Neither he is showing confidence nor denying.

If i will ask him about wife and family updates then he is always defensive regarding his wife.

For me only verbal dialogues by using my emotions and then seductive touch and gesture by saying i love you .

Afterwards once he is done with me for his lust from the next moment onwards i won't exist for him in this world.

Later on I got to know about toxic relationship and narcissistic personality and karmic relationship.

They never meant marriage but only pleasure to drain out energy and make feel other person as culprit.

Today i have blocked him and join this app.

Will move on and start a life all over again.