My boyfriend is cheating on me since 2017
I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me since 2017. He is using Tinder and other dating aoos to meet new girls. He told me he doesn't meet these girls personally and is just having sex chats with them. I want to break uo with him but he doesn't want to. He said he'll change because he doesn't want to lose me. And told me that what he did was wrong and now regretting doing it. What should I do? Should I give him another chance?
@confuzzled14 hey there. i am really sorry to hear that this has happened to you over such a long period of time.
i cant tell you exactly if you should give him another chance or not as i am no professional and i believe you know whats best in this situation. But i do want you to think about it. Do you believe him saying he is regretting doing it? What is your opinion on cheating? What would you advice a close friend of yours in that situation?
You are the expert on you. However I do wish that you ll be able to figure this out and were here to support you regardless of your decision.
Best regards, Avery.
@AveryLove hi. Thank you for your support. As of the moment, I really am confused and don't know what I need to do. I feel like I don't know him anymore. I can't tell if he's telling the truth about him being afraid of losing him. I never knew that he could do this to me because I knew him as a very loyal person. And when we talk about the future, he always assures me that I am the one he wants to marry and have kids with. I asked him what went wrong and why he had done it. He can't tell me a reason...
@confuzzled14
Really sorry to hear you're going through this. I understand your instinct to break up with him as well as your consideration of his promise to reform.
1. Are you willing to believe it was never meeting in person?
2. How much does it matter to you whether the sex was on chat or in person?
3. He cheated for a prolonged period and even then, did not come clean. You found out so chances are, if you hadn't found out he might've continued.
4. You mentioned he promised to change because he doesn't want to lose you. This is an important fact to understand. He was morally okay with this behaviour on his part but now that it has hurt you, he is willing to change.
The path of healing from this is a long painful one, which needs a lot of effort on both sides, if at all you choose to make it work. Every human being has strengths and weaknesses and the summation of a person is not based upon one aspect. You said you knew him to always be a very loyal person. Perhaps some thought on which part of him - the loyal one or the lying cheater is more applicable to him. It's a difficult process I hope you take a little time to yourself before you make this important decision. All the best!
@0m
Thank you for your thoughts. It quite help me understand the situation more. Truth is, I already told him before that if I found out that he's cheating on me, I wouldn't dare talk to him anymore because he knows my family history. My dad did have an affair and I saw how my mom felt really broken to the point that she wanted to leave us but didn't because of me. I am the youngest in the family. I told my boyfriend all the pain that my mom went through and I was afraid it would also happen to me. For 4 years of our relationship, I didn't have any problems with him with girls because he was focused on me. On our 5th yr, I broke up with him because we weren't able to have clear communications and everything was just a blur to me. We've been separated for almost a year. But then he came back. He told me he doesn't want any other lady in his life but me. I accepted him because I thought he was never going to do something that would break me. I didn't notice any change from him ever since until we had a recent fight and he didn't care at all. I knew something was wrong but I was hoping that my instincts were wrong. But no. Everything I didn't wsnt to happen happened. And it's tearing me apart. It's been a week now since I found everything out. I just can't not think about it. While I'm at work, I try to make things feel normal even if it's not. When I come home, I lock my room and start crying. How do I move on from this pain? How?
@confuzzled14
It's hearbreaking that he put you through this terrible pain even though he knew your personal history about cheating. You already gave him another chance when he came back after the separation. This isn't one moment of impulse or bad decision making, what he did was years of cheating. I'm sorry but he has shown he does not respect you or your relationship. At this point hard facts are your best friend to get you through this pain. A cold dash of reality which reminds you of what he calmly did and pretended everything was okay. It's alright to cry in your room, it's alright to let the pain wash through. It's alright to scream and let your aching heart voice everything wrong that was done to you. You don't need to force normality when you're breaking inside. If you need a few days off work, take some time to process this shock. You don't deserve this. You deserve love, trust and respect in a relationship. We can't change how other people choose to live their lives or their belief systems. We can only try our best to understand them and then choose whom we want in our life accordingly.
I wish you a speedy recovery. Sending you strength and good wishes.
Hey, how old are you both?
I have personal experience to share on this subject; but curious if you're still both under 25. Because that certainly explains this kind of mildly impulsive behaviour to some extent.
@taliabear hi. I'm currently 23 turning 24 and he's 25.
@taliabear could you share me your personal experience and whst you have done to recover.