No idea what to do
Hey guys,
so im going through a situation right now that ive no idea how to deal with, I dont really have anyone i can talk to about it so im hoping for some seven cups wisdom. So I was in a relationship with this guy for just under a year and it was amazing. It started last june and we were getting along extremely well, I thought he was amazing. We met each others families and he told me daily how much i meant to him, how happy i made him and how in love he was. Fast forward to december and we're having a lot of arguments - he went travelling and flirted with someone else and told me when he came back. He didnt cheat but i've been cheated on in previous relationships so my paranoia took control and I pushed him away. He started valuing drinking over me and would drink for days on end without sleep, cancelling plans with me or ignoring me to continue drinking so I got fed up and ended it. He fought for me back, promised to change and I took him back and again it was going great. Now he's always suffered from extreme depression, it was hard to witness but I tried to be there for him as much as I could. Two months ago he told me he didnt love me and that I made him want to die, said a lot of hurtful, harsh things that I cannot forget. It was so sudden, so out the blue as the night before he told me he loved me.
I didnt want to give up on him but he stopped texting me back regularly, would only see me once every two weeks and I tried to push through his hurtful words that were now present in every conversatin but I couldnt. So once again I ended it - something he told me he wanted but its now coming up in recent arguments that he feels abandoned.
Now, I'm trying desperately to stay in contact with him because hes told me so many times he wants to kill himself, he relys on drink and drugs and hes completely given up. I dont know how much more rejection and insults I can take but I dont want to abandon him again because I absolutely adore him and I'm worried hes pushing me away because of his depression.
What do i do? Do i keep putting myself through this or do I give up and walk away? I'm completely lost.
@7littleissues You've been through a lot and it makes sense that you're having a hard time deciding what to do. It sounds like you still care about him but don't want to be exposed to his (what I'm guessing is) verbal abuse. Of course you don't want him to get hurt, but you need to protect yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. You gave him a chance and he continued to hurt you. You don't deserve to be treated that way.
If I were you, I would tell him that you want him safe, but you won't tolerate being insulted. I'd also give him links to here, crisis lines, therapist directories etc. Kati Morton on YouTube is another great resource. Explaining why you can't help him and giving him resources is enough. He needs to make the decision to get help if he wants it and you are not responsible for him. Your mental health matters.