Not attracted to girlfriend any more

Hi,

I am a 36 year old male and have been in a relationship for 4 years now with a 35 year old woman. We have a strong connection but I don't feel attracted to her.

It is due to many reasons including

- She is morbidity obese, around 300-350lbs and due to her weight her hygiene suffers and this affects sex between us.

- Due to her weight, she has joint problems so sex can be painful for her

- She has no shame in farting continuously, and it feels like she is actually proud of doing it. I tell her it bothers me but she makes no attempt to try. For example she will fart in the car and doesn't want to open the car windows because she wants to share. She does this as a joke but it bothers me.

- She doesn't take care of things. For example I let her drive my car and she fills it with all the work things and leaves junk food wrappings, drinks and random garbage in it. She recently left a bottle of mango juice under the car seat and it leaked which caused mould to grow.

- She speaks in a baby voice and I find it irritating as it doesn't turn me on at all. She likes to whine and act upset and fake cry while talking in a baby voice and no matter how much I get annoyed with it, she doesn't stop.

- I can't have a highly intellectual conversation with her. She is entertained by tiktok videos and silly things. I enjoy silliness too but would like a balance and have more talks that are supportive and serious.

- She has no structure or discipline. I feel I'm the one trying to plan things out whereas she just goes with the flow. She never works towards anything. For example won't stick to healthy eating, won't exercise and take care of her health. She will hire a disability scooter to avoid walking at the shopping mall.

I've mentioned a lot of negative traits but some of her positives include.

- She is extremely kind and loyal to me and has a big heart. - - She genuinely cares for me and wants to be in a relationship with me.

- She has invited me to live with her in her apartment and invited me with open arms.

- She does contribute financially to supporting me. I also contribute so it is fairly equal.

- Apart from a gambling problem, she has no drug or alcohol problems and doesn't smoke. I was worried about her asthma and decided to quit smoking when we first dated.

I feel pulled between feeling blessed because I feel wanted and loved AND feeling like wanting to break up due to her annoying me and disregarding all my requests to try and stop with her behaviours (for example baby talk and being messy, farting etc)

I have my own bad habits but I try to improve on them for her. For example she hates when I chew loudly, so I am trying to fix that. I would be accepting of her bad habits if she at least tried to improve them, but she doesn't so I feel the situation is hopeless.

I worry that I will be alone and lonely if I break it off with her and she will be extremely depressed if I leave her, so I don't know what to do