Overthinking my beautiful relationship with bf
I'm not sure where to start tbh. I've had a history of emotionally abusive relationships. They've caused me a lot of problems that for a while I thought I mostly conquered, but I'm now finding out I still have a lot of recovery to do. Still, I've come a really long way.
My current boyfriend is probably the best, most compassionate, sweetest and caring person I could ever ask for. His family is the same, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. We've been together for about 7 months now. He's understanding and affectionate and always cares about my happiness and is always supportive. Probably what's expected in a relationship, yeah...but honestly, it's kinda a first for me.
But then...sometimes insecurity rears its ugly head and I start getting into negative thought loops. Sometimes I mistake these loops for gut feelings or intuition (which I put a lot of trust in because my intuition knows what's up most of the time).
That's been going on as of late. My depression has also been acting up, likely triggered by my PMS. Last weekend when I saw him I was emotional and moody and cranky and I'm...still beating myself up for it. Basically, I'm just afraid of losing him. Of him getting tired of me, of him seeing the innermost layers of my personality (the bad parts, anyway) and just not liking it. Despite the fact that he already knows me really well.
(Continuing story in next post)