Porn affecting our relationship
I'm recently married like only three months. I am 21 with a five month old daughter. We all live together. I have terribly low self esteem after giving birth to our daughter. I have horrible strechmarks and I lost too much weight. Plus I'm breastfeeding and my boobs are getting saggy. I always feel bad about how I look now. My husband is aware of this and my post partum depression. He keeps looking at porn, nude girls, and stuff like that. He acts super sneaky and defensive and when I bring it up he gets extremely angry and annoyed. I'm super nosy though. We've talked several time why I don't like this but I can't get him to stop. Should I just let him? It's killing my confidence. The other day he didn't even want to have sex with me. He was going to watch porn and jackoff instead.
@Jolenny
Hi there, I really hear how much this is upsetting you, and anyone in your position would feel the same way. It sounds like a tough situation to get around because you mentioned that everytime you bring it up, your husband gets annoyed and defensive. Even though that is the case though, talking to him about this in a serious discussion would be the only way for a compromise to occur. If you do decide to approach this in such a manner, take note to use words like "I" and "I feel" instead of "you". The hope is that by using this communication method, your husband would not feel like he is being accused, hence hopefully allowing for an honest and open conversation to occur.
Through such a discussion, try to understand his point of view too with the hope that he is trying to see yours as well. Ask him that if the tables were flipped, would he be hurt too if you turned down sex with him in order to watch porn on hot, nude guys? Either ways, just my thoughts on this matter. Ultimately, you know your life better than anyone else, and with that what is best for your marriage :) No matter what you chose to do though, if you feel like talking to someone, don't hesitate to connect with a listener on 7Cups! Take care!
@Jolenny
That sounds like a very difficult thing to go through! Being a mother is super stressful and it's not fair to have to feel insecure or ashamed about your body because of your husband on top of all that. It's understandable that he is likely going through some stress now as well, and has needs, but at the least he can avoid being sneaky, angry, and annoyed with you for trying to discuss your feelings. It sounds like he's not making an effort to make you feel good about yourself and is ignoring your needs. Are there problems like this only with these more physical-related topics? Is he still otherwise emotionally supportive?