Relationship Stress and Overthinking

For the past three days, I’ve done nothing but overthink and it has reached to the point where I feel like it’s not only consuming my well being but the well being of my partner as well. I constantly have fears that I’m slowly destroying the relationship between me and my partner because of my overthinking.

I want to release everything bothering me; I want to hold nothing back, I no longer want it to bother me anymore because it no longer serves me any purpose. I want to get to the root of the problem.. my past relationships. Before I had met my partner, whom I’m so grateful for, I was involved in an off-on again situationship that occurred since 2020 and ended once and for all in 2022 of February. During the course of our long distance situationship, it had hurt more emotionally since we both fell in love before even seeing how one another looked. I thought it was the purest form of love but i was unknowingly being love bombed. This person had mental health concerns of their own that they had to face, I tried the best I could to support them but in the process lost myself. This person would give me affection then take it all back, it was always hot and cold. He had ghosted me on more than one occasion and was dishonest to me about his past. I was always on my toes, wondering if he’ll stay tomorrow.. my last straw was when he told me he didn’t see a future with me and that he’ll chose his first love (who he happens to be friends with) over me if I had to make him chose. Then and there I stopped fighting for him, I will never let a boy tell me more than once that I’m not the woman he wants.

Along came my first relationship (2021-2021) with someone I’ve known since elementary school; I’ve told him I wasn’t ready but as we continued to talk feeling grew. On our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes, I’ll regret that later but it’s a lesson I’ve learned from. Things started way to fast for me, I wanted romance but it was more physical with him and I didn’t like that. He would throw tantrums when I didn’t kiss him in front of my family, he’d get jealous of my male cousins and he’ll constantly cross my boundaries. I belittled myself trying to please him by being affectionate when I didn’t want that and that’s when I decided to end things. It wasn’t always bad however, He showed me how it felt like to be loved, he was there through ups and downs, he knows me better than anyone, it was nice to have someone care about me but I won’t settle for something that made me feel belittled. Me and this person had faults, I won’t completely blame him when I’m at fault as well. I was hurt still from my situationship and constantly compared the two, my feelings quivered due to how I felt about him wanting to be physical and I should’ve ended it but I was afraid no one would ever love me in the way he did.. until I had the courage to finally end them.

Im happy with my current partner. I’ve fallen in love with every aspect of him.. it was his birthday recently, we spent the best day together and later that night he had brought up going to a concert with his friends. He’s never given me a reason to overthink; other than late reply’s (he reassures me to not determine his love by messaging and I completely agree). I am uncomfortable with one of his friends who happens to be a woman (two) and she went to the concert with the rest of his other closest friends. They’ve been friends for a long time. I trust him with my life but my feelings and thoughts get the better of me. I know it’s all in my head, I’ve talked to him about it and he reassured me and his friends respect me. I just don’t know how to stop my brain from thinking otherwise. It’s ruining the relationship we have. I just need someone to listen to me.

I’m feeling better. We talked about it once and for all. But I want to stop it from progressing more.