Relationship withOUT benefits

I met one of my best friends when we were about 13 years old. We werent super close in high school but we had the same classes and hung out with the same group of friends.

Once we graduated high school and college, we started to become a lot closer. One of our old teachers had a BBQ about five years after we graduated high school and that was the first time we talked and I felt something (though it was still just nothing). As the years went on, we got closer and began to talk and hang out more. Soon after, he moved to another state about a three hour drive away.

When our friends threw a going away party, we were all drinking and at some point he asked me to marry him. I laughed it off and told him to ask me when we were 40, and he replied saying he couldnt wait that long.

Since then, Ive made trips to see him. When he comes home for the holidays he stays at my house. He became the closest friend to me in our group.

Within in the past three years or so, things have been awkward and strange at times. When he comes home, we quickly fall into this mode of almost playing house and as if were in a relationship.

Im not sure our friends notice but even if they did I want to keep things quiet and private.

Im so scared to talk to him and ask him whats what. I think hes scared too. Im terrified of losing him as a friend or to someone else for good.

I keep thinking maybe maybe Im wrong. Maybe Ive been imaging all of this and theres nothing there. Should I say something?