Self esteem issues/past trauma

So from the day I've opened my eyes. I've always seen my parents fighting over things. I have never seen them being in love, or hugging eachother or spending time w eachother etc. They were divorced but have beenseparated for more than 18 years. We are 4 siblings. I'm the 2nd one. Have an elder brother. My mother was a depression patient even before her marriage. And father has alwaysss always supported her in her hard times but still they used to fight alot. I'm 22 years old now. My childhood has been a mess. I've always craved for attention and love from people around me. I'm a grownup still i seek affection and love from ppl. Had a relation of 5 years and recently broke up with him. He was probably the only person close me and i would tell my problems to him but now i feel so alone. My bond with my father and mother is not that strong. I cant share anything with them. I don't want them to know that I'm weak. I feel so lonely, i cry in bathroom whenever i feel low. I feel i have to become strong for my younger siblings. I dont want them to become what i have become. Want them to be strong and confident. I'm an introvert, have 0 confidence, little things trigger my anxiety. Due to the past trauma i feel I'm still revolving around that and thats why i couldnt properly love my boyfriend as well. I find difficulty in expressing my feelings and i v bad at communicating as well. I am a grownup but mentally I'm too immature.i feel I'll always remain like this. And no one will ever love me. Whenever i talk to someone i feel they get bored of me and eventually they ghost me. What should i do,? Will i always remain like this? No one will accept my childish behaviors? Also in few years my parents will get me marry. But i fear what if the other person gets bored of me or what if i wont be able to love him properly. Please just send in motivational or positive quotes