Should I reach out again to him?
This person and I met about 3 years ago on Tinder. We had this amazing chemistry and had funny and great conversations via text. I kind of delayed meeting up with him in person because I got my heartbroken only recently before, I registered on Tinder and he would have been my first Tinder date. He still kept contact in about 2 month later we met and it was all I could have wished for. The chemistry was just mind-blowing. We hooked up, which I definitely did not intend to do on the first date but things can happen. I was still no a hundred per cent over that other person and again delayed meeting up with him. Every time we met, it was just perfect. After a couple of dates and hooking up again, he even asked me if we are no officially a thing. I did not know how to react and made a little bit fun of him. We kept in touch but due to both our lives being rather busy, we did not meet up again and to be honest I was not ready for him because I was still licking my wounds.
When I thought I was ready, I reached out to him again and he let me know that he found someone and is now happily in a relationship. I wished him well and did not contact him again.
At the beginning of this year, he sent me a LinkedIn request and that was it. This October I saw that he had a birthday and send him a very short happy birthday message. He immediately replied on Linkedin and at the same time sent me a text saying that he still has the same number. We texted quite a bit and he asked if we could meet up for a drink. That evening was so great and we continued our conversations as if they had never stopped. I asked him if he was still in a relationship but he told me yes, but that they are having major problems and it looks like it will end. He tried to make a move but I told him that as long as he is in a relationship nothing would happen between the two of us. He needs to sort out his situation. We then met up again and it as so great but he was still with the other woman. Then a week later, he told me that it is probably better not to see each other before he knows what is going on in his current situation.
A week later, he told me that they both ended their relationship and that even though he initiated it, he feels very down and depressed. We texted back and forth and a week after his relationship ended we met up again and hooked up, which now I know was a big mistake but it is just this amazing chemistry between us every time we meet. After that, he rather stopped imitating conversations over text and a week later, I asked him how he was doing because he became so distant and quite. He then replied that if he is honest with him the end of the relationship affects him more then he would have thought and that it has nothing to do with me, or the fact that we hooked up again. He is very sorry for being so passive. I then replied that I understand, that I hope he feels better now and that I am sorry that I was so overly active with texting him. He replied that there is nothing to be sorry about and that he also hopes that he feels better. It now has been a week without any contact.
My question to this community now is, whether I should reach out again to him in a week or so to ask him how he was doing or if I should let it go. I really really like him and we just have this amazing chemistry together. It is just that the timing never seems to be right.
This is hard. I’m sorry you have to go through such things. To meet someone with great chemistry but it always wrong time. Sigh. Why it always like that??
To be honest, if it’s me, it’s hard for me to stop pestering him. I like him, I like the conversation we had, I enjoy his presence, it’s hard to stop chasing someone that would make me feel less alone. We are only humans, to be wanting other people that give us thrills would be completely normal. But let’s be sane. The right thing to do is to give him his time.
I try to put myself in his shoe. I just broke up with someone I have a relationship with which I love and care about. Things aren’t going well. It’s sad. I want to grief what I loss. It’s good if there’s someone to distract me but in this case, he is the one that distancing himself, so it could indicate that he doesn’t want to be disturbed for now, as if he wants you he would reach you. This might be a hard pill to swallow. But he knows how to reach you. If he wants to, he already would.
Maybe give it another month or week. What is meant to be yours would be yours. Believe in that. And I’m somehow proud of you where you stand for your boundary to not having anything with him as long he’s in relationship. You are a good person. I believe someone as good as you deserve someone good to. Wish you the best in life :)
@Linognathus Thank you so much :-) Really appreciate your advice.
I really have to stop myself from contacting him.
My head knows that he needs distance but my heart wants to be in touch with him. I should stick with the mantra "if it is meant to be, it will be". It is just that I feel like I am running out of time. I am 34. I want to get married and I want to get children. What if I wait for too long?
I knowww we’re getting older and we want our own kids. I’m at that stage in life too. Totally can relate to that T_T
I’m sorry if I had to admit I also don’t know what to do if I’m in your place. Because I’ve been there, chasing a guy that don’t want anything from me anymore because I’ll just be honest, I’m quite a psycho. And my insecurity. My issues. I don’t think it’s something healthy to be done. I don’t think it’s the right thing too. But when emotion get the best of you, you just don’t care about is it healthy or not. I’m not proud of what I did so I wish people don’t really repeat what I did..
In my case I reach him but I don’t talk anything about feelings. Talk about the show he likes, the food I tried, and I approach him like once a week, just to let him know I’m available for him or something like that. I repeat, it’s not something that I’m proud of doing. Sometimes he respond to me, sometimes not. It can be painful to be ignored.
I don’t have any expectations tho because expectations hurts. So if you followed what I did, then please release all the expectations and save yourself from the heartaches 🥺
@Linognathus so sorry to hear that :(