Should we break up

@scarletMoon8992

First off, I want to start off by saying that there is no excuse for your fiance's behavior. Regardless of the reason, he should never physically, verbally or mentally abuse you. He needs to find a way to control his emotions and refrain from hurting you. That just isn't right. With that said, here is my opinion on the situation (assuming you are still in it, sorry for the late response):

My wife and I went through a similar (though not as extreme) issue in our sex lives. Since we started getting intimate before we married, she has been very hot and cold when it came to sex. The reason she always gave before we got married is because she said she felt ashamed, scared, guilty and even used because we weren't married yet. She assured me that once we got married, things in the bedroom department would get much better (I do want to emphasize that we did not marry so we could have sex though, we both waited patiently). After we got married, things did improve in the bedroom for the first couple of weeks, but then they quickly reverted to how it was when we were dating. We would go up to a week and a half without any kind of intimacy. Naturally, I started to get frustrated. I never took it out on her but the lack of sexual connection was starting to make cranky and agitated and it showed. Eventually, she confronted me about my mood and when she found it it was because I wasn't statisfied sexually, she got very upset and it turned into a huge argument and we had several big arguments after that. I am very happy to say that we have since worked all of this out and we have sex 3 to 4 times a week and even multiple times in the same day. How?

The key to us solving our sexual mishaps took a lot of effort and compromise. We both had to learn to put how we felt aside and empathize with each other. On her part, she only saw sex and intimacy from her perspective. Naturally, women's limbidos are not as strong or aggressive as men's and she kind of took that for granted. If she wasn't in the mood and wasn't craving sex, we just didn't do it. I had no say in the matter, which wasn't fair to me. Additionally, she unfortunately had unfavorable past sexual experiences, so she didn't have as high of an opinion of sex to begin with and because she had had sex before and it wasn't great, she considered it no big deal. It was just sex, which wasn't the case for me. I wanted sex because it was how I felt most emotionally connected to her. She also had issues with self-image which prevented her from feeling beautiful and sexy, which would her affect her limbido as well. Finally, she didn't realize that a lack of sexual release can cause physical and emotional issues in men. After doing research and reading a sex book her mother gave her, she learned that men need physical release regularly (how regular depends on the man) because the body needs to ejaculate old sperm to make way for new sperm. If it doesn't happen through sex, it is through masterbation or wet dreams. This is why men get agitated and even angry when they don't have sex for long periods of time. Once she learned this, she made a huge effort to turn things around. First, she changed her mindset when it came to sex. She saw sex with me as something completely brand new and unlike anything she had before. This helped her disassociate our sex with the bad sex she had before. Second, she made active efforts to let herself get in the mood. Before, she would actively try to supress her sexual urges because that was what she was used to doing. She let herself crave and want me, which made things much easier. Finally, she made an active effort to improve her self-image. She didn't realize that her negative self-image not only affected her but us as well. Her body image and self-consciousness were preventing her from getting in the mood. The happier she was with herself, the much easier it was to get things going.

On my end, I had to patient and understanding of what she was feeling. I had to understand that her sexual experiences weren't always positive and that I had to take extra steps to help her feel safe and comfortable. I had to understand that she didn't see herself as beautiful the way I did. So, I tried to make her feel as beautiful as possible by telling her constantly, adoring her body and just expressing my infatuation with her. Finally, as frustrated, agitated and stressed out as I felt from lack of release, I had to make sure to never get angry and never take it out on her, because that would only ever push her away.

If you are thinking of breaking up with your fiance, I question whether you two are ready for marriage. When two people get married, I feel there should be no doubt in their mind that this person is the right person for you. That doesn't mean that everything should be perfect or that he/she should be perfect. It just means that you are willing to do anything and everything you can to make a positive relationship with this person, even when it gets very hard to. Trust me, it will be very hard at times. If you want to make it work with him, I would put in the effort to try and figure out why you don't want to have sex so often. What is the reason? If it is all internal and has little to do with him, you owe it to him to try to figure it out. On the flipside, he has to do work too. He needs to cool off, control his urges and not throw tamtruns when he can't get any. Most of all, he should never abuse you in anyway.

I really hope this finds you, is helpful and that you two are able to work things out. It always pains me when couples can't figure things out and wide up splitting up. It's very sad. Just please remember, it is a two way street. You both have to put in equal effort. Relationships don't work out very well when one person is more invested than the other.

Damn, I had almost the same situation. I have found on my husband`s laptop this site https://xxxreal.com/all and bookmarks like "best free full length vr porn". I am not interested in his last few weeks and I know that he is not cheating but what is the problem? I always try to be different and I'm not like a tree. Please, help!

@scarletMoon8992 I wouldn't say you should immediately break up, you could try to talk it out and work on the issues. Communication is key and if you don't have that then any relationship will surely fail. If you try to communicate your feelings to him and he doesn't validate them or communicate back with you then that is a problem. What I will say is that if you already are having these issues and there are that many problems in the relationship then any plans of marriage should be postponed until you work through these problems. Marriage will not make anything better and makes it alot harder to get out if you need too. I genuinely hope it all works out for you!