So weird

This is just for me, no comments please.

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I am thankful for what has happened. At the same time, I kind of have no idea what’s going on. I feel like I have done everything I can to be understanding and respectful. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t love themselves? That’s not productive. On top of that, apparently he’s dealing with a gambling addiction and most likely (imo) is an alcoholic. I am so confused about everything. He doesn’t know what he wants. He thought he could get away with having cake and eating it too. He’s also in such a bad mental state...I’ve never seen someone so down on their life before. It’s like he’s so unhappy but apparently loves his partner but also loves me? What in the world. I’m just like...okay but if you don’t love yourself then how are you in what you said was a “pretty healthy” relationship? On top of that it feels like he’s just so blinded by his own life that he had no idea anything I was going through. He has no idea. It’s like he doesn’t know himself anymore and he is just like “I want to have you in my life however you fit etc”. What?? This conversation is not over but oh my lord! Karma has not been good to him. Just really...wow. It makes me sad. I get no pleasure out of this. I really don’t. It’s awful to see someone so broken. He even asked me what I think about who he is. He doesn’t think he can forgive himself for his mistakes. It’s so weird! I’m like wow uhm well. I’ve gotten past the point where I’m angry or whatever. I mean I forgave him a long time ago but he wasn’t receptive. It’s like his mental health is so so so bad that it’s making him really stupid lol. Idk how else to put it. He’s like oblivious!! What in the world.

what a total shock.

I am definitely still in shock.

I got what I wanted which is closure or a way forward but like I didn’t think it would be so ugly :( so hard to witness.

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This is just for me, no comments please.

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