Stuck
Here’s some background info. My fiancé and I have been together almost 8 years. He has a son from a previous relationship that I have basically been mom to since he was a year and a half. Bio mom is not in the picture. He just started living with us full time last year. I’ll explain more on this in a bit.
My fiancé and I have issues. We always have. He himself has issues he needs to work on and so do I. We (mostly him) don’t communicate well. He doesn’t trust me, even though I have never done anything significant to make him distrustful of me. He, however, has cheated on me twice. Within the same year after we had just gotten back together. We broke up for 6 months from winter to summer of 2020. My initial assumption of our breakup was that it was mutual. We both weren’t happy anymore and we needed to part ways. But later I found out he had met one of his coworkers on Bumble (which he had joined to “catch me” cheating on him. Because I was on Bumble BFF, not the dating part. But he didn’t believe me) and ending up dating her a week after we broke up. But we end up getting back together and within 3 months I find him inappropriately texting another old coworker. But I stay. And I stayed because we were about to get full custody of his son and he begged me to stay.
Fast forward to tonight. We get into a fight over him going to bed and me staying up. He has ALWAYS been suspicious of me staying up and not going to bed when he does. And I get defensive and say he doesn’t trust me and I’m not doing anything wrong. But it escalates and he ends up going outside to his truck to sit and “fuck off”. His son comes out a few minutes later and says he needs more water. I go to tuck him back in and he tells me he heard us fighting and that he’s scared I’m “going to go away again”. And my heart instantly shatters. And in that moment I realized that I am stuck. Stuck because I have to stay for him. To protect him and love him. Although yes, his father loves him, but it’s not the same. But also that it is effecting him and would he be better off if I wasn’t here? Would they both be happier?
@namastayyy
Hello!
Reading this made me admire you so much as a person and how you care for the child. You sound like a big and important part of his life. For the issues between you and the fiance, this is very sticky. It may be helpful to get an outside perspective on the relationship but at the end of the day you have options and you are not stuck. You may be able to get some custody of the son and leave the relationship because from the sounds of it, you aren't happy. You have had some real ups and downs with your s/o and that may hurt the child even further seeing the 2 people he cares about the most fight and not be happy with each other. You do have options but this is also a very personal and heavy decision to make. I know you will do the right thing for everyone involved.
I wish you the best,
Ocean
