Taking a break from depressed boyfriend
My boyfriend suffers with depression and this is the third really low period he's been through in the 5 years we've been together. He's been really bad the last few months, one minute he'll be fine and normal, the next he'll just be staring at a wall. He says he feels like he doesn't know who he is or what he wants and just feels empty.he's been to the doctors and now he's on antidepressants, I've been trying to support him through it but he's been distant a lot of the time. The last two months he's been friends with this new girl from work who has depression, social anxiety, and recently left her long term boyfriend. He constantly messaged her day and night, was really secretive about it all and would meet up with her for drinks and all day long trips to town. It bothered me that he was so close with her and yet so distant with me, but I knew that it was helping him so even though it hurt I just asked him to be less secretive and said I'd like to meet her, but he said due to her social anxiety this was a bad idea.
Yesterday he went to the doctors and hid the fact that she went with him. I was sat waiting for him afterwards and waiting for an hour calling and messaging only to find out he was with her at the park. Then we had a big long talk about what he's been doing and his depression. He says he doesn't love her and does love me but doesn't know what he wants and doesn't deserve me. It's just seemed to come straight out of the blue and we were happy and normal at the weekend. I still completely love him and am committed to this relationship and a future with him. We've decided to take a break and we live together so he's gone back to his parents, we said a week with no talking but as he left he said he didn't know if he would come back. Now I'm just left in limbo completely crushed and don't know what to do other than wait for him to come back.
@Nemo23
I'm really sorry, this sounds like such a tough thing to deal with. Do you have other friends you can turn to during this time?
hi there! sorry to hear you're troubled. right now, he probably still truly loves you, but his mind is clouded by his depression. he might feel inadequate being loved by you because he sees himself as a burden. think about how he was before - was he secretive or distant? if not, then this behaviour is clearly a cause of his struggles.
that being said, i know from personal experience how draining it can be to love someone mentally ill. if you feel that you can't offer him the support he needs without putting your own peace at risk, then you should consider continuing this break or even splitting up. in any case, spend this time to take a step back, calm down, spend time with friends/family and don't overthink or take any decision before he comes back so you can discuss. best of luck 💝💖
Thanks @giorjie, this has really helped.he wasn't like his before and I can see it was really beating him up that he was doing these things which were so out of character.i think it was likely just the depression and I know that I need to work through it in my head and accept the thing s that have happened and move on from it if I want to continue this relationship. ...And hopefully he will come back.