The Big Ex
I should just get out of the way that I am in a long-term committed relationship with a man that I love with my entire being. We've been together for almost 3 years now, and I honestly can't picture my life without him.
Now, about my Big Ex. We dated back in high school for just shy of a year at the longest. We kinda went back and forth, although that was my fault, so I suppose altogether it was about a year and a couple of months. It was the longest relationship I had before my current one, I was desperately in love, and it took a VERY long time to get over him. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get over him. It's been about 7 years since we broke up, but I don't think I ever got any kind of closure, even after we were "cool" (it was not a good break up. I'll admit, I kind of went off the deep end, and I think it may have been the start of my issues with depression. All in all, it really messed me up). I tend to have some weird feelings about him whenever we see eachother and/or talk, which isn't very often, and they kind of linger for a few days. I don't know if my feelings for him are reappearing, or what. Either way, I really don't think about him anymore except through fleeting memories, and I feel I have almost everything I need in my current relationship (yeah, we have our issues, but we work them out the best we can).
However, I just recently found out that my Big Ex is engaged. I told one of my best friends about it, and she asked how I felt about it, and I really don't know if I can answer that. Like, I'm obviously happy for them because they're both wonderful people who deserve happiness, but I just kinda feel weird about it. Maybe because it's 100%, absolutely, positively over? Not that I'm still pining for him or anything... I guess I just don't understand why I still feel these things about a guy I've talked to only a handful of times over the past 7 years. I don't feel this way about my other exes (with the exception of the Big One and occasionally one other, but he was an asshole lol), so I don't really know what to do.
I'm definitely going to be talking to my therapist about this, but I'm not really sure what to do until then. I obviously don't want to dwell on it. I just feel a little weird when I do think about it.
What's wrong with me? Am I holding on too much, or is this normal?
@fightingscot94 I'm not sure if anyone could say if anything is "wrong" with you but it sounds like there was an intensity to the relationship. Even if it was only for a year, even if you haven't talked to him, even if you're in a commited relationship and you are only happy he's getting married, etc. there's always feelings and maybe a "what might have been", etc.
I knew someone who was in a similar boat: At the time she considered him to be "the love of her life" and it was clear she was still not in a place to really be around him much years later. I'm not sure about now but it's somewhat similar: she still considers him to be a really big part of her life but not one that she can revist in any way, even to the point where she's no longer friends really with some mutuals because the ex is still good friends with one. So I don't think this is necessarily weird or something is wrong with you.