Things feel wrong

This is just for me, no comments please.

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I’m pretty confused, at this point. My ex made it seem like he wanted to get to know me “again” and like...he’s been really messed up. And I was there for him in some moments. But he’s never there for me. And it was like pulling teeth to get him to understand I didn’t want him to text me when he’s drunk. And on top of that, he’s been flirting with me (slightly, but still,) even though he has a girlfriend. He still loves me but I am just confused by his behavior. I’ve been sick, he hasn’t texted me for almost a week. The last thing I texted him was a question. He does this super annoying thing where he only focuses on one thing at a time in our conversations. So if I ask him a question and make a joke. He only responds to the joke. So I end up asking 5x and by that time I’m actually angry. And then he makes a big deal about me asking. It’s stupid. That’s when he made a pass at me actually. And I said it feels like he’s ignoring me. He of course brought up his girlfriend because he loves to do that to try to get a rise out of me. He’s honestly getting on my last nerve. I was waiting to see if he’d changed but he’s actually gotten worse. He isn’t there for me, he makes me feel bad over things that he causes, and he is an attention seeker I guess. I need to think about whether this is even worth it anymore. He’s my soulmate but he’s lost me anyway and his self esteem is so low he hates himself deep down. That’s messed up. He won’t get help. The list goes on and on.

we actually do have good moments. But it seems like he always ruins them. He doesn’t think he’s a good person. I know for a fact that he was. I wish I could say he’s a good person now. I think he is deep down but yikes...

and he keeps saying things like “if I were better” or “if I could be better...but I’m not”. I honestly don’t know what his agenda is. I know he has no idea what he wants. Which is where his stupidity comes in.

Im really angry about this whole situation. I thought we could be mature and be there for each other. Instead he’s just playing games with me. He doesn’t even ask how I am.

It’s unfair and selfish. I miss who he was. But I don’t think there’s anything I can do. Whatever is meant to be will happen. That’s all I have at this point.

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This is just for me, no comments please.

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