To let it ride or not to?
Hi, new to this but definitely would like some advice. I have been in an on/off 10 year relationship with my sons father. These past 2 years were my hardest out of the both of us because he wouldn’t let me go but he still wanted another girl. Basically have his cake & eat it too. This was going on for 2 years & I could never leave him because he always tried to make it better, or so I thought. For the past 3 months, things were going great! I mean greatest it’s ever been, trust & respect was going up! But as of recently, I found out that he had tried to reach out to this other girl again last month & he supposedly then decided to cut her off & focus on us. Being this person that I am, I decided okay, since things have been really good & we have been really working on ourselves to better our relationship, I figured this was just going to be something we can both work on to get through. I was struggling all week trying to process it but I made sure to let him know how I felt without saying things to bring his character down since I know he already feels bad about doing it. Usually I wouldn’t say anything & just start fights for nothing or I would say some really mean things to hurt his feelings on purpose. Then this past weekend, I went out & got drunk with my friend & it was a mess ngl. But that night he ended up just breaking up with me & was saying rude things like the reason he always went to someone else was because I did childish stuff like this & that we weren’t together working on stuff this past week. Mind you I have not got drunk like that in over 2 years & this was just one of those nights for me. I don’t go out & drink like this ever! So this was a shock to even me & I have been beating myself up over this one night because after I just found out about him reaching out to this other girl again & willing to work things out with my relationship, it has come back to a really drunk night to end things for us. I don’t get it. Can someone please put into perspective his side of things because I don’t understand how I could fix this & still don’t get why this one night was his reason to end things. I have taken full responsibility & told him that I am aware that my actions weren’t acceptable.
It seems to me that no matter how much you give and how much you try, it will never be enough to make things work. He seems to be putting himself first despite the fact that it means doing something he knows you don't like (the side girl). And he's unapologetic about it. When he thinks he's close to losing you, he changes his behavior a bit, just enough to make you think he'll change, so that you would think he cares. But it seems to me that he won't change. You getting drunk one night is just an excuse, to have something to reproach you so that afterwards he can continue doing his thing. So as for that, don't think much about it, it could have been anything. As for your relationship, I think you deserve so much better. Whether he'll really leave you using a lame excuse and then get back, or just make you think he'll leave, or he'll stay but keep his behavior going, I think you deserve more than that. All that energy you're using to make things work, the patience you have, the willingness, could do wonders with the right person. And the right person is anyone who makes you feel good, who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and most importantly someone who never leaves you guessing where the things are going but shows you his by your side. Whatever you chose to do, never forget how much you are worth and don't settle for anything unless it makes you happy.