Trust after cheating
How can I learn to forgive and forget. At the beginning of my relationship (the talking phase) before we were declared as a couple my bf had been "talking" to another female who I was very close with. Nothing in person but definite sexual talk through messages. I was hurt and he had flirted with another girl online that I found and it appeared to be nothing sexual. Nothing has happened since I've confronted him and he seems like he is doing better. He had a rough past with his own relationships so the cheating was an instinct for him. It has been almost a year but I still don't know how to trust him and believe that he is actually being faithful. I love him to death. Help.
@Pinkpen,
To begin with you shouldn't try to come up with an excuse or justifications for his behaviour with other females,such as that it is a kind of instinct for him.because of something in his past etcNothing excuses the behaviour of cheating.One should own every kind of behaviour and face the consequences,then we learn the lesson and change she's necessary for us to become a better version of ourselves.That's the point of it all.As for "forgive and forget",yes,I agree we should forgive because of us,not .meaning we accept the other person's behaviour.We forgive to let go of anger,resentment,hate etc.But we shouldn't forget what has happened and allow the other person to hurt us again.People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you..You are his partner,not his mother or therapist who is trying to cure his wounds.And as his partner , you deserve to be treated right and with respect.It's good you have contronted him,this is the correct thing to do.Your feelings that you don't trust him maybe come from inside you,it has nothing to do with him.Possibly you have some co-dependency issues to heal,such as maybe you feel you don't deserve him,are not good enough for him,don't love yourself enough to think that you are worthy of love,t think that other women are .more beautiful,sexier etc than you.Think along these lines and start practising self-love and self-care every day,this will help you improve your self-esteem.If you love yourself first,you won't worry so .much whether others love you or might abandon you.Your lack of trust is maybe a subconscious fear of abandonment.Hope this helps and take care!
