Unhappy marriage

I want to leave my husband but I am scared. We have 4 children married 13 years together 22. Oldest is 15 youngest 4. He isn't violent and doesn't hit me but he has me so worn down I feel like I'm in a vampiric relationship were he sucks the life out of me. I know that sounds meladramic. If I described all his acts of selfishness I'd be here all day but I'll give you just this last weeks. My elderly gran is very frail and took covid I have been going over to help her. He resented this cause he had to look after the kids. He controls the money and I get housekeeping money every week. If I ever run short I have to borrow from other family members. If he buys something 'for the house' he takes it out of my housekeeping. It was my mums birthday the other day I asked him for 20 extra and he said I'll just give you your usual money cause I was going to take 20 off you for the chippy I bought us the other night. My kids go around like tinks cause I can't afford nice cloths for them, I shoplifted my last pair of shoes 😕 he thinks nothing of spending money on himself or computer games and what makes me sick is we have many thousands of pounds in the bank. I don't like asking for money as it starts a huge argument where he will usually throw and break something. I would need to walk away with not a penny but going forward I would be financially better off single. The kids have clubs they go to and it takes me out of the house at night sometimes. I ask him to make dinner and it's something easy and he refuses he knows how to he just can't be bothered so the rest of the kids will wait until I'm in at 9 to eat dinner. I am a good cook and if I put down a 'shitty dinner' one that I haven't cooked from scratch he will refuse to eat it and demand I buy him take away. Yesterday I was taking the kids to one of their clubs its on for an hour and a half so I asked my sister if she wanted to come and we could wait until its finished at a themed bar I had seen but never been in (I don't go out last night out with friends was years ago) I didn't tell him I'd asked her cause I knew he would kick off. She mentioned it in front of him but we were in my mums so he didn't say anything he waited till I went out to the car to follow me and start a using me of going to get pished and I'll be out all night! As if I'd drink and drive and not pick up the kids! He refuses to do any of the picking up at nights for the kids clubs. If I say no to sex he will bang around call me a frigid bitch and accuse me of affairs. He just sits down after work and refuses to move till bedtime. He isn't interested in the kids to the point I don't like leaving them with him as they will be neglected. I am so scared of leaving I don't know how he will react he will try every trick in the book and make me feel like I'm just being a bitch to him. He always seems to come out looking like the victim. Also he is very handsome and funny and charasmatic and romantic when he needs to be. How do I leave without getting sucked back in 😢