Unreasonable Ultimatum. Send help!!
My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. Everything seemed to be perfect and balanced. We knew we were the right people for eachother and we fell in love so quickly and easily.
As time went on, a few minor things happened that impacted my trust for him. A few months after it had happened, I had another girl come to me saying he had been reaching out to her and her friends, and flirting with them via instagram stories and DMs. I comfronted him and we sorted it out really quickly, but I noticed he was still in contact with one of them, talking to her every day, flirting, and even as much as ignoring me to talk to her. Nothing happened between them other than messaging and flirting, but it still didnt sit right with me. Again, I asked him about it and he stopped talking to her as well.
With all this in mind, the honey moon phase quickly turned into an insecure phase. I found myself getting worried or jealous about him talking to girls I didnt know in fear that he would be flirting with them. I would get inside my own head and comfront him over silly things, and I was always on edge about it. This put a negative twist on our relationship and our life together started to revolve around it. When it got to the point that we couldnt take it anymore, we agreed to make changes.
I did really well with calming down my insecurities and anxiety, but as you probably know, everyone has their bad days. The problem is, my boyfriend doesn't understand bad days and gets mad at me when I tell him how I'm feeling or expressing a concern I may have in our relationship. I have been great and trying to express my feelings calmly so we can work it out, but he always insists im attacking him or angry with him which is never the case.
He preaches he wants change, but its almost like he doesnt want to see it. Im trying to show him that I have become a better person, but he cuts me off and gets defensive and angry with me before I even have the chance. Yesterday, I was trying to express to him that him staying at work 2 hours later every day, and cancelling our plans to eat dinner at the office with his co-worker friends, has made me feel sad that we dont spend as much time together. I was going to ask him if there was a way in which he would be able to balance his friends with our relationship. Before I got the chance, he got super defensive and accused me of being mad at him for working, which was obviously not the case. (I can see his location so I know for a fact hes not cheating, he literally just likes to hang out at work for hours after)
We love eachother so very much, and we are great for eachother, but this has become a far bigger issue than intended. He says its another silly fight and hes sick of having pointless arguments. I stood my ground and explained to him exactly where my head was at, but now we are unsure of what to do in our relationship. He told me that he is so drained from the "pointless arguing", and given the ultimatum that if it happens again, were done. To be clear, we only have disagreements about once a month, but apparently that is too much for him to handle.
On my side, I never see an issue with expressing the way I am feeling. I feel as though even if he thinks I'm being silly, he should take my feelings into consideration and try his best to help me through the rough moments of my mental health issues. Im not sure if I can walk around on eggshells in fear that we'll break up on the spot if I say something that happens to piss him off. I am genuinely lost because I love him more than everything, but I feel like what he is asking of me is unreasonable. Even having said that to him, he seems to be set on it.
If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I'm open to any advice or ideas so if you care to share your opinion please dont hold anything back!