What am I doing?
Everyone wants that person who is head over heels for them, willing to do anything for them……right? That’s what I’m suppose to want. Why am I so adamantly rejecting the one who wants to be that person? Why am I instead willing to do anything for the one who has expressed they don’t want to pursue a relationship with me?
I don’t like that this is my reality, I’m ashamed that I have allowed this situation to even happen because the one who loves me has been then for years just wanting to be included. Why don’t I want to include them? Everyone wants someone like that right?
There's a good reason for this actually. I've recently learned this myself. When someone lays all of their cards down on the table, then what fun is it to you? You see their hand. Their moves are predictable.
On the flip side, the person who says, "I'm so great that I don't even need you. I have all of these other activities/people that I'm more interested in." That is a prize. There's a reward in being able to get them to like you. There's more mystery and more of a fun game to play there.
I'm not trying to say one person is better than the other. I used to be the one trying to convince crushes to date me by being the nice guy. I genuinely wanted to do anything and everything to please them, so that they would accept me. And 9 times out of 10, it never worked.
What you're feeling is normal. I would disagree that everyone wants someone who is head over heels in love with them off the bat. That just seems kinda desperate and boring. Maybe they want to build up to that point, but not before they even get to know you.
Best wishes, Cain