What do I do about my break up
Hello. I recently broke up with my partner of 4 years. It was a clean breakup , however she doesn't know the reason why she broke up with me. She told me she loves me and doesn't want to do it but yet it still happened. She told me from the start that she knows when she wants to break up with someone and when it is done forever , however she also said that she hopes we work it out and she hasn't closed the door on us and this is different to all her other break ups.
I have been trying the no contact rule but I have been given different advise. we went on break for a week for her to figure out what she wanted to do but yet still didn't come up with a an answer
All I want to do is message her and ask her how she feels and if she knows why it happens but I am not sure if that is the right thing to do
Has anyone ever been through this and if anyone knows what I should do
Thank you
Maybe after 4 years, your relationship was becoming too "settled". Couple's tend to get into established routines, where it starts to feel like they don't do exciting things together anymore, they aren't learning new things about one another, they don't even go on dates any more and it starts to feel like they are jusy existing together. Compared to the rush of the early relationship stage, where you are doing all of those things, working and fighting to impress them and show them your best self - the comfortable stage of a relationship can start to feel noticeably uninteresting by comparison. Relationships start to stagnate, and although the couple still do genuinely love each other, they just start to miss the excitement and start to wonder - is there something else out there? Is this it? So maybe she didn't want to explain those feelings to you, and also at the same time, maybe she is insecure about whether she will find anyone who treats her better than you. In short - she is ambivalent (of two minds) - she clearly feels there is something lacking in the relationship, or that she wants or needs something more right now - Her telling you she hasn't closed the door on your relationship is her way of giving herself a safety net because as I said earlier, part of her is probably considering the possibility that you probably treat her quite well in the end and she might not find someone that treats her that well in the short term future. The other possibility is that she may ALREADY have started to develop an interest in someone else, and so now she might be feeling conflicted/guilty so she's breaking it off with you while keeping the door open in case it doesn't work out with her other guy.
In any case, it's not fair to you that she expects you to just wait for her while she treats you as an OPTION. You need to take control - Don't make it about her. Relying on a confused person to make decisions and guide the situation can only lead to bad decision making. You need to decide for yourself whether you want to stay with someone who may not even want to stay with you - usually that doesn't end well because they usually leave as soon as they see something more interesting/exciting - that's just the nature of these situations commonly.
