Whats wrong with me??
excuse the lack of info.....i will give more as time goes by......i had a failed relationship for over 10 years! never engadged, never married, i walked away because i was not happy! for that i feel really guilty! i have apologised to my ex but dont seek closure bc i dont want to be selfish and stir up her emotions......i feel really insecure, have self worth and doubt issues, i have been with someone for over a year and i think shes getting tired of my messed up brain and always feeling down and insecure and emotional, i feel like a mess, i feel i have no control and i feel im about to loose the love of my life, even though she says theres nothing wrong.......whats wrong with me??
im sorry if none of this makes sence!
apologise if i have posted this in the wrong place
why do i feel anxious when i text her i love her and miss her and she dosent say it back? am i 15?? :-(
My dear....where to begin....
Your love is not a person. Nor an object. It is not something that you can lose. Love is an energy that is within us. We can give it and receive it at any time, with any living thing.
The other stuff...the despair, clinging, confusion, ownership, addiction, fear...it is the opposite of love. We are taught that this insanity is love....portrayed by our families...media....most of us are taught this message from birth, and we have to unlearn it before we can find peace.
You are right that the most important thing to address is your anxiety - you will have it whether or not you are in relationship, no matter who you are in relationship with. If you want advice on how to address this fear, how to find your center and remain grounded, no matter what is going on in your life, please ask....we (on this website) will give you suggestions if you want them.
In the meantime, please try and love yourself first. I know that's ridiculously cliche, but it's based in truth. You do not need another person to complete you; you are a soul on this earth having a human experience.
you are right! thats what im trying to do! trying to change my way of thinking and love my self a little bit more!
Thank you and i want advise and i want to get help to get better!
I can tell you what worked for my friend.....that was joining a men's group. Just a group of guys that meet every week and help each other address their issues. It can be any group of people you like....it is important that you like them....but that is definitely a place to start. It would be really great for you to have some people outside of your family, friends, work or girlfriend. Just beware of anyone asking for too much money (the best groups are on a donation basis).
Also, any kind of retreat, where you are removed from distractions for at least a week are really good for you to get to know yourself and face some of the things that keep us running like a hamster on a wheel. There are many meditation groups you can join for free (just google that online) or you can go camping on your own. Don't take anything you are addicted to - like internet.
And books are great. You are having the same crisis that millions of people throughout history have had. So, if you do even one thing to try and help yourself, go and get a book about anxiety.
In the mean time....have you ever noticed how great breathing is? I'm not kidding...just breathe in and out, and feel how wonderful....and it's free!
But @sillyputty...sometimes not all is about autohelp books. I have been tried lots of things. I am in counselling which its help me out more than books i have read. Good point breathe in-out for free.
I agree, books help but talking helps a lot more! well....at least when you try.....i tried telling my girl friend about my in secutities and she just got mad! its like she has lost patience with me! told her i was mad because she said she was going to be there for me and acts this way? i understand her frustration, i just feel i cant talk to her and will have to continue this fight alone! was that wrong of me?
