When Good Memories Turn Bad

Hi everyone, I apologize to vent this but it has been haunting me for awhile and I need to let it go and maybe get some help. So buckle up and grab some tea, this will be a long one.

Let's start from the beginning, I had my first sexual experience when I was in kindergarten. A first grader knew more then she should and shared that knowledge with me. Kissing, touching, we did it all besides actual intercourse. Eventually I moved but those events never left.

Through the next several years I continued to experiment with girls. Learning these things that felt good. Until I hit puberty, during puberty is when things got really crazy. I had relationships with many girls and several turned sexual and they lasted for years. Growing more and more intense until I began to notice somthing. These relationships were short. A few months at a time I would be with a girl and then the old memories began to to come back and I would leave and go back to that girl and so began the cycle between about five girls.

Fast forwarding to the end of highschool I met the love of my life and I am still with her today. But each day I grow more scared, I have messed up. Those happy thoughts of the past would come back and I would go back to talking to those women. Catching up and then evolving into dirty chatting and some even physical meet ups that turned to physical actions.

Continues in part 2.