Where did I go?
I have been with my husband for 8 years. About 2 years ago he "emotionally" cheated with one of our daughters friends. He says he didn't do anything physical with her, but that they had a "connection". After we got over the initial bumps I became a very anxious, suspicious and jealous person. We are not really very good right now because I think he is still talking to other woman. I have talked and talked and talked until I want to puke but, his behavior has not changed, he just hides more from ne. I look thru his phone, papers, emails, mail and I do this all with his permission. I have permission because he knows that is the only way I will be able to verify what he tells me. Although. What he tells nw and what I see in black and white are different, I still choose to half-way believe him. My struggle is this... where's my back bone? Where's the woman that wouldn't tolerate this from another man? The one that had a healthy amount of self- respect and knew she could do it on her own? Where am I and can I get me back??
Yes you can get you back but not around him. You need to be able to relax and see the woman you are.
I think you should a take a step back and try to consider what it is you want. What do you feel is the root of your worries? Is it tied to that experience with your husband? Is there anything you feel that you could do today to help manage that? Is there anything you could work on over the next week, month, or even year?
You seem to be worried that this person you were, but thinking about yourself on those standards is unhealthy. You're not gone, and changing over time is natural. Whether you've changed or not, the person you "were" isn't worth any less than the person you are. Setting more reasonable standards and being kinder to yourself can help you feel more self-assured. If you're worried you aren't independent enough, perhaps starting with some small tasks can help you focus on yourself a bit more - a new hobby, leaning on friends more, setting aside some more alone time or time with you and your kid(s)? I would say it might be a good idea to seek advice from someone you're close with and can trust, since they know you much better than me. But I don't think you should be afraid that you've lost yourself because as long as you're still here you can be that person.
