Where to start?

ive recently had a break up from a very attached relationship, i found myself really attached because of the routines we used to do. I dont know why i felt really hard dettaching since breakup i always try to get back even though i know its too much toxic already. But i am (we are) still trying til now because of me. Its quite depressing now because i feel like i cant live without him. I thought i can make everything right because it was my treatment thats wrong to him in that relationship, i really feel shitty now if i cant fix it. But at the same time... i do want this to stop for me. I want my old life i want to love myself because I USED TO love myself, i am confident, creative, have good taste, had a lot of guys attracted to me. I found myself an interesting person.

i really dont know where to start. I need to get out of this.