Work Crush

Hi everyone! I gotten myself into a mess with myself. How do you deal with an office crush and how to get over him? I work for a big company. Several months ago, I was at work and noticed his older man. He reminded me of a tougher scruffier current Jim Zorn. I was immediately taken back. I found him very attractive. I saw him here and there but that would be it. Then August came and things started happening. The week of August 19th, I started to see him more. I found out that I literally been passing by his office everyday. Mind you we don't work in the same department. No work interaction.

I was curious to find out his name and who he was. What harm can that be? I couldn't read his name on his door (too far to read). So, I decided to something a little bit crazy. I found the name of his coworker and researched his name on Facebook. Found his coworker and him. I found out his name, divorced, hometown, current town, college, and degree. On Monday, I did a little research on him. Found out his work jabber and what his title was. This is where things got out of control. I started fantasizing about him. It started out innocent but then got dirty. Let's just saw bedtime got a little bit more fun. The problem is I never actually spoken to him. Even though, I thought of him that way, I was extremely shy. Ever time, I saw him, I would blush and be so nervous. It got worse. I got so distracted by him. I just kept thinking about him. My thoughts started ruining events for me. I would never do anything they would risk my job or anyone else's. I am too shy around him and I did have the common sense of that. I should point out I never felt like this before. I always had crushes on guys and have dated but never had this feeling.

I knew I was loosing my mind but I couldn't stop it. It came crashing down on Halloween.I didn't do great research because I went digging through and found out he had a girlfriend who he was leaving with. His profile pictures was just by himself. I had mixed emotions. Sadness because my fantasy was over. But oddly relieved that I can restart my life again. Well as soon as saw him again I was back to being not well.

Wednesday I had enough. I woke up feeling depressed and about to cry. I wanted this crush to be over. It wasn't fun anymore. I had a good Wednesday. Though, I did not see him. Thursday was not good. I saw him twice. He was literally right next to me at some point. I realized this was going to be a lot tougher than I thought to get over him.

At home, I made sure not to look him on Facebook. I made myself get distracted by Podcasts, football, and YouTube videos. Work was a different story. Actual work was fine. That did not interfere. I made sure of that. I kept thinking about him to the point of now getting anxiety. I have dealt with anxiety but the usually normal stuff. He had anxiety about seeing him. How can I get over him if I still find him attractive?

Sorry for the long post! Hopefully it makes sense. This crush isn't fun anymore! It is making me sick. I want to be able to see him without having those feelings.