Y'all idk what to do plz help

I feel overwhelmed by a million things right now but I guess I'll focus on the relationship part in this forum. Something that I've noticed about myself in relationships is that as soon as I start to get close to someone that I really like (romantically or sexually) I pull away. I go through cycles of really liking someone, getting close to them, they show signs that they feel the same way, and then I pull away. It's almost like a turnoff if they show interest in me which makes no sense? I've only been in one relationship before and it was really serious. That breakup was brutal but I ended up going to counseling for it and I feel like I'm completely over him now. I don't think that's holding me back from future relationships but I really don't know anymore. Today for some reason I found myself missing him which is weird because I'm super grateful that we broke up. It wasn't a healthy relationship.

Also recently I've had a recurring crush on a guy at my work. He confessed feelings for me earlier this year and I turned him down even though I kinda felt the same. Our friendship suffered after that and we've only recently mended it. But then I developed feelings for him again a lot stronger this time and he showed signs of feeling the same. But AGAIN I can feel myself pulling away and it suckssss. If anyone has any advice or insight of how to deal with stupid feelings, it would be much appreciated. Also sorry for the long rant.