i think i

please give me a chance to explain before judging me. i (M14) crushed on this girl (F14) since 4th grade. last year i pretended to be over her as she and everyone knew and she had already rejected her. now i had another friend at the time (F14) who liked me. my crush encouraged her to tell me and i, knowing this other friend of mine is somewhat suicidal, was afraid of saying no. i genuinely feel that if i had rejected her that she would have killed herself, a fact that was confirmed when she told me later. now i feel that im an awful person that is tricking my girlfriend and is constantly having to lie to her. even my family absolutely adores her and talks about what an amazing girlfriend she is. ive heard that love is a choice you make everyday but i just cant seem to find it in me. i still like my crush and now that i know her better have fallen for her harder. it doesnt help that she rejected one of my best friends so hed resent me. i see no situation where this works out for everyone. my girlfriend visits me everyday after school and i hate that i cant appreciate her for the wonderful person she is. its gotten to the point where i dream about my crush and have nightmares about her hating me or resenting me for breaking up with her friend. someone help me please