up n down
things were FINALLY getting good. in a few weeks, i went from feeling like i had no friends, feeling worthless, having an unhealthy relationship with food, and worrying about everything, to having a bunch of friends, feeling loved, having a better relationship with food, and not worrying as much.
then, all in 24 hours i was told the following by the same two people(one of whom being my next friends boyfriend, who i finally thiught i was starting to be friends with.):
- ”train tracks” (because i have braces)
- ”ghost girl” (because im pale)
- smell bad
- chase people away
- half the people at my school think im weird
- no one wants me there, im only involved because of my friend.
literally got my worst anxiety, that no one likes me, practically confirmed. i know it was just one person who said it, and it was on a gc and no one else agreed, but what if it’s true? i mean it probably is. she’s more popular, she’s a thousand times prettier, she’s more athletic, skinny, and just better than me. i have good grades , and tahts it and no one cares about it or acknowledges it.
and he called my braces, one of my worst insecurities “train tracks” and i tried to laugh about it but i hate my braces so much and i feel so ugly with them and i looked prettier without them so to hear someone else make fun of them sucked.
and my skin, really? “ghost girl” so origional wow /sarcasm. i’m insecure about how pale i am too now, so that was fun to add to the list.
he said i chase people away too. that’s self explanatory.
and i care so much about what people think of me, so hearing that 1/2 the people at my school think i’m weird sucked, even though i have no period it’s true.
idk what to do. things were getting better and now i’m just trying not to restict calories again because idknthats always what i end up doing when i’m upset. idk what to do
Sending hugs. 🌻🤍
I'm sorry all of this happened to you. It must be really hard for you.
First of all, I want to tell you that you're enough no matter what other people think about you. I'd like you to see your journey once. Despite what those people said to you, despite you having an unhealthy relationship with food you tried to recover. You're sooo strong to be here. You know why? Because you belong here and you're needed. You don't need them, you need yourself much more. ✨
If people don't value you, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It simply means you haven't found the right people yet. There's a huge difference between humour and bullying. People need to know where they need to stop.
The good part? You know what they think. You know how much they value your appearance more than the person you're. Your care is visible here. The way you're caring about them, keeping them a place above you. I read a quote sometime back and I'd like to put it here to help you understand the thing -
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Don't give your power away. They have no right to tell you how you should look, smell or behave. You don't have to laugh it off. I did the same mistake but actually now when I've better people around me I understand why that whole thing happened. It does because we allow it. We allow it to happen to us. Self love is very important. Just knowing what you truly deserve. Knowing that you belong here. Knowing that you're strong and powerful. We all need some company, people to support us and believe in us. But first, try to believe in yourself.
You've come so far. You've tried so hard. You can't make people snatch those efforts from you. You and your efforts matter. I hope you find that light within yourself first. You can light up the whole world with that smile of yours and no one has the right to take it away from you just by making 'you' feel bad about yourself.
Don't forget to appreciate your beautiful. And you deserve people who support you, believe in you and love you for who you are. Where you don't have to adjust because they don't make you adjust.
You're beautiful the way you're. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Try to communicate clearly and tell people what you find wrong if you still want to continue your bonding with those people instead of laughing it off. Your pain and sadness matters too. Someday, try to keep yourself above them. :)
Take care. 🤍🌻
