Confused
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 11 months and we are doing long distance. We never argue/fight but sometimes I get annoyed at some things he does/says. We normally talk about it or I just don’t bring it up because I don’t want to make it a big deal or ruin a good conversation we’re having. The other day I was upset about something that he says frequently that I don’t like him saying because it’s not true and it hurts my feelings. We talked about it and he claimed that he says it as a joke although he always gets so defensive about it when i tell him that it’s not true. I try to talk to him about it and help him understand where i’m coming from and why I am upset but I feel like sometimes he doesn't care/show the effort to care. He usually doesn’t say anything after I express how I feel or he just says he’s sorry. It makes me feel like my feelings aren’t valid and there’re being dismissed, I’d rather talk more about it. Both me and him aren’t really people who openly share our feelings that are outside of our relationship if that makes sense? We don’t really talk about problems that we have with our family’s, if we are struggling, etc. I wish we did but he isn’t that type of person and I don’t like pooping my emotions on people. I know that he genuinely cares & likes me (i think) but i feel like he doesn’t really show it. I feel like it’s a schedule everyday when we’re texting. It goes “goodmorning”, “goodmorning”, “how’d you sleep”, “good hbu”, “ good i missed you”, “i missed you too”, “how’s school”, “ good how’s work”, “good i love you”, “i love you too”, “i love you more”,” no”, “yes”, “no”, “yes”,etc. It feels so dry. It was never like this before, we actually had real conversations. I don’t know if he doesn’t realize it (he’s very oblivious sometimes) or he doesn’t like me anymore. Then at night we usually call so we can talk before we go to bed & check in on each other. he calls me like an hour before i go to bed (like 10/11pm) and we talk for a little bit and then says he is tired. It’s upsetting because I don’t want to stay up every night really late just to talk to him for a little bit before saying him going to bed. (i have expressed this to him but he’s it’s never really changed) i don’t really get it because he says that he really missed me and wanted to talk to me but then we call really late at night for a couple minutes? I don’t want to break up with him because I feel like it’s not really a reason to break up with someone and i can definitely get through it, but sometimes I feel like this isn’t how i want to be in a relationship with someone, and i want someone who will put in all their effort, time, and heart like i am to them. I’m not really sure what to do at this point because i don’t feel like i can talk to him about it, but also i can’t just let it go. I’m not really the type of person who just drops off all my feelings on someone, but i want to talk about it somehow with him.
@rxtionxlsqxre
Hi, I definitely understand your feelings. Although you've talked to him about these issues before, have another conversation about these things. If he knows that something hurts your feelings but he continues to say it because it's funny then he is definitely in the wrong. Take a look at him and think about what he does wrong, and talk to him about it. You should also reevaluate your thoughts and actions. Maybe in some situations, you are in the wrong. After being in a relationship for a while, the initial spark that you guys had isn't going to be there. Relationships aren't perfect and they always get boring, at one point or another. I don't think a break is a good idea but try to change some things in the way you guys communicate. Lastly, trust your gut and prioritize yourself. It's important to realize that not every relationship is going to work out. I wish you the best of luck!