Friendship

@myworldie7382Why do we love pets so easily ~ ? Because they don't understand anything about these complex ideas about our insecurities, about depression and anxiety, they don't know if we are particularly popular at school or whether we feel insignificant. They do not know any of these things, and so it frees them in their uncomplicated psychology to love us simply the way they feel in that moment. But what about people? We are, all of us, carrying around so much trauma, and anxiety, and stress, insecurities and fears, that even our daily existence becomes a terrifying ordeal! And when we look at our own lives, and all the problems we face, we do not even understand all of it ourselves, or know what to do with ourselves - but yet we reach out to others, our friends, our relationships, our family, and somehow expect them to know what to do, we expect them to be able to understand us, we expect them to 'fix' us and accept us, even as we reject ourselves as undeserving. When a thing becomes more difficult, we should lower our expectations accordingly. It only makes absolute sense that the harder a thing becomes, the less people will likely be able to achieve it. So if we think we are quite difficult to be friends with, quite difficult to live with, we should expect that fewer people will be able to fill that role, and that fewer people can meet our criteria. The more complicated we are psychologically, the less we should expect people to be able to understand us. It's not that we are unlovable, or that we don't deserve friendships; but rather what we deserve, and how well our friendships function in practice, are completely different things. Some things to improve your friendships: 1) Adopt a pet mentality. There are so many things that occupy your mind, that obstruct your happiness. Pets are not counting how many friends they have. They are not thinking about how to be more popular, or more understood, or what happened 3 days ago or even 3 hours ago.. 😂 And because of this they are CONTENT. 2) Not everyone is supposed to be your friend. In fact for most adults, as they age, their social circles get smaller. As you experience more, you realize the value of people lies in how reliable they are over time. You realize that by investing your time only in people who reciprocate your value and effort, that the result is your circle shrinks but the people that stay are the ones that value your friendship genuinely and are the one's worth keeping. 3) Don't look at yourself the way you are now. That tends to result in "being stuck". Think about who you would like to be and find ways to move towards being that person. Think about all the people who have the things that you want (more meaningful friendships, successful relationships etc.) - how did they get it? How did they get there? What was their process? What are the traits they have to achieve that goal? Emulate their behaviours and thoughts and processes. 4) People who are most liked /popular among others are not the most attractive people, are not always the most charismatic people, are not the best performers or athletes. The most popular and liked people are those that like the most people themselves! In other words, when it comes to being liked, what you give to others (in making them feel acknowledged, appreciated) is more important than what they are giving to you! Many of us look at this backwards - we think "I want others to like me. I feel others should acknowledge me more. I feel unappreciated. Me me me..." Instead, the key to being liked is actually to think "How can I make others feel more appreciated? How can I make others feel more liked?!" And that is the paradox of being likeable very simply. Wishing you all the best with your personal journey ~ ! CatzInTheCradle