I don

I've known this kid for about a year. He was my first for everything and I mean everything. We started as friends who flirted a lot, but we eventually started actually doing relationship type things. I was bad with trusting people so when we did start, I said I didn't want to commit to him yet until I knew it was for real. He's given me doubt before so I was afraid. Things ended up not working out and it started taking a really harsh toll on me. I started distancing myself from him and eventually he stopped responding for a few months. I was happy but I kept wondering if he was okay since he struggled with mental illness and trauma. He contacted me again recently and it was about why he was gone eventually he told me he had been doing cocaine and I couldn't tell if it was a cry for help. I don't know what to feel everyone tells me he's a liar and a bad person but he's never made me feel bad just doubt. I couldn't figure out how he really feels and he wouldn't say because he had trust issues too. He hasn't responded to me and I fear he's getting worse but I'm not capable of going through everything with him. I still miss him and worry, but it's exhausting to constantly look over someone when you're trying to look over yourself. I don't know what to do I don't want him to hurt himself but I'm not capable of getting through to him. He hurt himself I'd never be able to live. I miss him but I'm afraid he's using me. It's hard to breathe lately. I don't know what to do.