I have a boyfriend but I don

Long story short, I've been dealing with depression and severe anxiety for a few years now. My parents are not very sensitive so they would put off these "teenage problems" as "fake" or "drama."

I've been in love with the same guy since 8th grade. We're seniors now. He was my first and only real love.

Problem is, I have a boyfriend and the guy I'm in love with feels nothing towards me.

I got out of a very toxic and abusive relationship with an ex-best friend (now ex-boyfriend) in January. By February, I had reunited with my first love. We were taking things slow- no labels or anything. Neither of us were/are in the place for a real relationship right now, but I'm still deeply in love with him. It's something I've never felt for anyone else before.

He got into some bad stuff and I got him in trouble because I was legitimately concerned about his safety. He responded by telling me he regrets ever having anything to do with me, I'm not attractive, and he could never love someone like me.

I don't know if he really meant that. We've stayed friends, but we don't hang out or anything anymore.

Afterwards, I stupidly rushed into another relationship. To my boyfriend, I am the same as the I am in love with. My boyfriend is very emotionally and mentally dependent. He depends on me even for every day tasks. I'm very dependent and strong willed. I feel suffocated and trapped in this relationship.

But the guy I really love will never feel the same.

Advice?