My Broken Story (It's long)
I don't even know where to start my life is a mess right now... So basically I didn't have the most perfect childhood; I had a boyfriend when I was 11 (I know that's not ideal) and when we were gonna become official I knew I was doing the wrong thing so I talked about it to someone, the only person I trusted, my best friend and she started screaming at me and she told me it was wrong... it's not like I was acutally gonna do whatever I was gonna do cuz I always knew it was wrong. But he was my best friend before for almost a year and I didnt wanna hurt him. i even talked to him but he wouldn't listen. I was stuck. But I had to say no. I just had to. There was no choice. I was the eldest daughter of my family and they had high expectations of me. If they found out I was dating, they'd feel so bad. They really trust me. So I told him no but he wouldn't even hear the reason. He said he didn't wanna talk to me. I was completely alone. And then my best friend turned her back on me and.... I heard him admitting to someone that he liked her just because someone told him that she used to like him and of course he would say yes, she was the most popular girl in the school.
Everyone..... even my friends went behind my back to talk about how I was paranoid said no to him without reason. E veryone went with the popular girl. And honestly, I feel like it would have been so much better if she had just talked it out. Now when I look back; I feel like I should have noticed the smile of her face when I told her what happened. I should have believed my classmate who told me she talked *** about me behind my back. Annnnnnnndddddddd the worst parttttt; YES IT GETS WORSE. The only friend group that I had was in my society and I had to shift to a place which was so quiet cuz there wasn't ANYONE and I mean NO ONE to talk to. I was completely stranded. And I didn't know how to deal with a breakup and no one to tell me how eventually my mom found out because of a chit and I'd rather no say what happened after. All I know is it took 2 years to heal that wound alone, and I'm still going through it's affect.
The other relationship was not ideal either. I liked someone they liked me back but the day we admitted it was the very last day he was gonna be around so he shifted. Adn we did long distance but it wasn't working. his parents were abusive so I was kinda worried about him and then one day I realized i was just burdening him and I broke up over text. I sent like 20 msgs hoping he'll understand but he was disappointed in me( and thought i did it cuz i liked someone else) and I guess he should be because I just gave up.
Maybe I'm going wrong somewhere cuz I'm always the problem. Now I just avoid talking to the guy i like cuz I know it'll never work. I'll just hurt him and pushing away is the best thing can do. Currently, I'm suffering from severe depression and anxiety and it keeps getting worse....
@lovingEyes4181
I’m sorry this is such a difficult time for you. It sounds like you feel quite alone, which is worse if you’re feeling alone while others are still around you. I often felt alone too, when I was surrounded by my peers. I had different reasons for being alone, but it gave me an opportunity to see how many of my peers were petty, deceptive and thoughtless. It’s as though while they’re scrabbling for status, they don’t consider who they hurt. I think that often, the popular kids are spoiled and shallow because their popularity distracts them from developing emotional maturity.
I don’t think you’re “going wrong somewhere,” because I think you made the right decision regarding the person who moved away. If you know it’s not going to work, the kindest thing to do is end it.
I think even in good relationships, both partners think from time to time they may be “the problem.” They may be right, but the actual problem is that relationship lessons need to be learned, and understanding needs to be a priority.
Wishing you happiness!