Straight guy crush ... again
Hello. I only ever find myself coming here when I like straight guys and need some outsider perspectives. I'm so stuck though and need some fresh advice.
I'm 17 and I've not met any of the goals I wanted to meet in high school. I've not had my first kiss, nor been in a relationship. I'm not complaining, and I know everything will work out, as my lesbian cousin was the same and only ever had her first relationship in college. However, I've had so many crushes that didn't work out for one reason. It's literally embarrassing at this point. I'm gay and find myself crushing on straight guys, and more often than not, they're homophobic (but I'm too blind to notice at first). I've tried to have my first relationship for the past 3 years, to no avail. I've literally given up on trying. But here I am, yet again with a crush on a straight guy. Again.
I say struggling, but I mean it loosely. I'm not crushing on someone homophobic this time, and our zodiacs are compatible. I've known him since we were 12, but we weren't friends. We still aren't. I haven't spoken to him since then, but this year, following transferring to my third school in 3 years (long story), I found myself drawn to his energy. I'm not sure what it is, we're polar opposites, something I know from past experience, but I feel like something is drawing me in. I feel energies, and they're something I don't ignore.
The only problem I have is the fact that he's straight. I told myself one thing a few months ago before I listened to the energy I've been feeling, which is that I cannot let the fear of being hurt prevent me from putting myself out there. I'm willing to string along this delusional crush, it doesn't hurt me (I'm actually most productive when I have a crush), but I wanted to hear your opinions on how I should tread in this situation. I don't care about this relationship, we didn't get along when we were younger, but we've both grown up since we were 12. I've been advised by my friends to tread carefully, but I think that I ultimately want to make my own mistakes. If any of you have experience in a similar situation, I'd be happy to hear how you coped and proceeded. Spreading good vibes for this evening and your day tomorrow!
@iyseris Wow, this must be very tough for you. Have you tried branching out to LQBTQ+ places that have other gay people? There is not as many gay people to straight people, so it makes sense that you can crush on straight people. It seems you are convincing you two are a good match, so you should try to talk to him about it and drop some hints. If he responds to it positively, I think you should go ahead. If not, then you should give up. Ultimately it is your decision.